“I walked in the door of their beautiful, suburban dream house. I looked up to see a woman whose body would’ve made Heidi Klum look like a hobo. She was so thin. She looked tired, as you would expect, but there wasn’t an ounce of baby weight left on her barely a few months postpartum. I instantly judged myself.”
“I remember the bright red carpet in his closet. This ongoing ‘event’ became our secret, I held onto this secret for close to 15 years. I never got over what happened to me, I stuffed it so far down. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. I finally surrendered. I had enough. I needed to give myself a chance to live.”
“We had already chosen our wedding date. We had booked our venue, sent out save-the-dates. The doctors encouraged us to move it up, fearing the worst. But we decided no matter what, we weren’t changing it. 3 weeks before, she lost her hair again. ‘I fell in love with you when you were bald,’ I told her. She was absolutely stunning walking down the aisle. I felt like the luckiest person in the world. Right before her 30th birthday, we decided to give up all treatment and enjoy the time we had left.”
“It’s in striving to understand and love those who see the world differently, and believe different things than we do. It’s in inviting those who are standing alone into our conversation, even if it makes you feel sweaty and awkward. It’s in standing up for what is good and noble and true.”
“‘I am upset I won’t be able to walk my daughter down the aisle like I’d always hoped.’ They asked, ‘Why can’t you just be a butch lesbian?’ My great grandmother’s response when I walked in was, ‘Oh isn’t he handsome!’ All she wanted was to make sure I was happy. I can’t tell you how much that meant to me.”
“On our way home from the ER, I stopped to get my children lunch. The attendant asked me the usual questions. I have a child of each gender. Boys get Hot Wheels, girls get Barbies. My bruised-eye boy likes Barbies and playing with them doesn’t make him less of a man.”
“James called to tell me he would be a while longer, it was already getting dark. He said, ‘I love you kitty, I’ll be home late.’ I can see myself standing in the kitchen on the phone with him, I can feel the emotion like it’s happening now. When the phone rang around 11 p.m., I knew he was dead. It was happening all over again.”
“I was terrified, ashamed. I cared too much about walking around with a large stomach and no ring on my finger. My boyfriend and I had only been dating a little over a year. I’d been indoctrinated with the belief that what was happening to me was a sin that would tarnish me for the rest of my life.”
“Clearly, I was not mentally prepared to grocery shop this morning. Something wasn’t right. The drive was short and quiet. I quickly got out of my car with everything I needed. Really, it was an Aldi shopping success…. until I reached the bagging counter. That’s when it struck me, why I was so off. For the first time in 9 years, I was missing my partner.”
“A crazy pregnancy monster entered my body and took over my brain. I felt suffocated. I didn’t like the changes that come with having a significant other around all the time. I missed my peace and quiet. I certainly didn’t like all the new ‘friends’ I was supposed to now have. I was having an out of body experience. Saying I didn’t love him, and I couldn’t do this anymore.”
