“The craziest thing I’ve learned about setting boundaries is you know they’re working when you experience the push back.
When you have gone your entire life people-pleasing and allowing people to walk all over you, the second you put those boundaries up, they feel it.
I remember my therapist telling me when we first discussed how I needed to learn how to set healthy boundaries, that those around me who were used to me appeasing them were going to unconsciously test those boundaries.
She said to me very clearly one day, ‘It’s okay if the other person isn’t happy about them, this likely means they’re working.’
Man, have I seen this in action over the past few months. Once someone realizes they can’t get to me the way I once allowed them to, the pushback is loud. However, my mental health and my energy have never felt better.
Protecting your energy is important. Knowing your worth, your well-being, and your desires is more important than pleasing everyone else in your life. It’s freeing.
The moment I gave myself permission to put myself first, speak my truth, stop playing small, and be fully who I am instead of pretending to be who everyone else wanted me to be was life-changing.
I went from doing what I was expected to do, being who everyone else thought I should be, and not saying what I truly thought for fear of upsetting anyone, to stepping into who I intrinsically am, and pleasing my inner self rather than everyone on the outside.
I have never felt more clear, more centered, or more at home in my body.
I can’t think of a better example for my daughters than to set clear boundaries, say no if something doesn’t serve me and yes to what I know my heart wants.
Boundaries are a healthy part of life and relationship.
If someone is making you feel bad for setting boundaries, remember it probably means they’re working. They aren’t there to please others but to protect yourself and your energy in order to have a healthy relationship.
So, set those boundaries. And know if someone is setting them with you, it is out of love. So they can continue a relationship without compromising their own needs.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Rachael Krupski of Long Island, NY. You can follow her journey on Instagram and her blog. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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