Disclaimer: This story contains details of child loss and grief that may be upsetting to some.
“Before we were even married, my husband Greg and I could not wait to be parents. In our wedding vows we each said to each other, ‘I can’t wait until we have children one day.’ A couple of years into our marriage we were blessed in 2018 with a baby boy. Although the pregnancy was extremely hard for me, getting pregnant was easy. So, when our son was nearly two years old, we decided to try for a second child. I assumed getting pregnant again would be easy, but this was not the case. After several months of trying and months of negative tests, we were confused.
When I had almost lost all hope, I finally read the words ‘pregnant’ on a test. We were so excited to finally be pregnant. At my 8 week ultrasound, my husband could not attend due to Covid. We were sad he couldn’t be there by my side. He had been to every single doctor’s appointment for my son. As I sat there alone, having the doppler run across my belly, I felt worried. The ultrasound technician asked me to give her my dates again to try to figure out the size of the baby. I was supposed to be 8 weeks pregnant, but the screen was saying 6 weeks. The ultrasound technician said she could see a small flicker of the heartbeat but it was too early and I might have my dates confused. I met with the doctor and she told me to come back a week later and not to worry.
One week later, and the day before Greg and my 4th wedding anniversary, I returned for another ultrasound once again alone. I had an awful feeling all week that something was wrong. When I had been pregnant with my son, I was sick almost the entire pregnancy. But with this pregnancy, my sickness would come and go. And by the second ultrasound, it was completely gone. This time when I saw the screen, I could no longer see the heartbeat. I was absolutely devastated. I had to have a D&C surgery a few days later. Having my first surgery ever during a pandemic was beyond terrible. I was alone, heartbroken, and empty. I woke up from the surgery in tears. I knew I was no longer pregnant and I just wanted to go home and be with my husband and son.
The next month was the hardest of my life. Although my doctor said it was most likely an abnormality with the baby, I cried every night thinking I did something wrong. I reached out on social media to women who were going through the same thing as me. They helped me heal and I was determined to get pregnant again. I felt I needed that to be happy again, and one month later… I did just that. On my son’s second birthday I missed my period and took a test, and it was positive! This time I couldn’t be excited; all I could do was think something would go wrong again.
The 8 weeks wait until the first ultrasound was the longest wait of my life. When I lay on the bed, alone once again, I held my breath. I thought, ‘Please let there be a heartbeat and healthy baby this time,’ and there was! I saw a cute and strong flicker of the heartbeat. But, that wasn’t all I saw. There were multiple black circles surrounding the baby. I kept staring at the screen and asked the ultrasound technician, ‘What are those?’ My heart dropped when she said the words, ‘I don’t know.’ I thought, ‘Please don’t let me lose this baby, I can’t do this again, not again, no!’ The ultrasound technician kept scanning. She said, ‘Did you take any fertility drugs to get pregnant?’ ‘No?’ I responded while extremely confused. ‘Well this could be multiple pregnancies but I don’t see the other babies yet, just their sacs.’ I asked her how many sacs she could see. She said there were 6 sacs plus a baby. I was shocked.
My OBGYN was very confused as she reviewed the ultrasound. She said, ‘I don’t know if this pregnancy is viable.’ She sent me to a high-risk doctor who had been seeing patients with high-risk pregnancies for over 40 years. He reviewed my ultrasound and was puzzled. He said, ‘I have seen cases with maybe two other sacs but never 6,’ and told me he didn’t know what they were but had a feeling they would go away. All we could do was wait.
Over the next 8 weeks, I bled. Every day. I was put on pelvic rest and not allowed to do any physical activity. It was difficult time to not be running after my 2 and a half year old. I was filled with anxiety and received more ultrasounds than I could count to keep track. But, by some miracle around my 20-week ultrasound, my high-risk doctor’s feeling was right. They did go away! We were so happy and our baby was healthy through the whole process. We monitored the baby for the rest of the pregnancy with monthly ultrasounds and the rest were clear!
At 36 weeks pregnant, I delivered a healthy baby girl named Ella. She was 5 pounds 6 ounces and sweet as could be. My high-risk doctor came to visit me in the delivery room. He told me to print out my ultrasound and hung it in his office for months. We still don’t know why or what they were. Were they 6 other babies? Were they cysts? Were they something that formed to protect the baby? I like to think they were her guardian angels making sure I didn’t lose another baby.
Today, Ella is 7 months and we are living happily ever after with her big brother who is 3 years old. It was an emotional rollercoaster but having my rainbow baby is the best feeling in the world. We are so happy.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Bree Zaccaro from Lake Forest, CA. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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