“My mind is riddled with confusion and chaos.
My heart feels incapacitated by waves of grief that come crashing down without warning.
There is too much happening to be able to explain in any kind of way that is careful enough, so I can’t. That brings a sense of heaviness and aloneness that feels unbearable at times.
All I can say is I’m grieving the future that is unfolding before us… grieving the past that is repeating itself… and grieving the present that seems never-ending.
I find myself relentlessly advocating and asking for help and advice and support, but all of that comes from within the very systems and agencies that are failing my kids. Failing their families. Failing me.
It doesn’t feel survivable emotionally sometimes. I don’t have a 5 step plan for how to walk this path. I am brought to my knees again and again with very little hope.
I want to quit. Give up. Throw in the towel… and I could. I could save myself from all of this. How tempting it is at times.
But what about them? The children with no way out. What about them? They didn’t ask for this. They never chose this. They don’t get to walk away… and I’ll never walk away from my kids.
So, here we are, in the midst of a losing war, preparing for the worst, fighting for something different, and hoping for a miracle.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Rin Miller. You can follow her journey on Instagram. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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