“My story is a love story, a love story that has taught me lessons and more importantly taught me how to truly define love.
I was a young teen when I fell in love with my daughter’s father. This young love, soon after, brought a new life into this world. Honestly, this young love brought TWO lives into the world but only one is physically here with us today (Rest in paradise son, mommy loves you).
I was 17 when I got pregnant, and I had no idea what I was gonna do. The experience was life-changing. It inspired me to write a book about it. The book helped me to release, relax, and position myself to receive.
The full story about my journey and how I became a teen parent can be found in my published book ‘ATTACHED’. I published this book back in 2016, and it is still relevant today.
ATTACHED is my personal story of how I lost my virginity, and the emotional drama that it caused. It goes deep into the issues most people do not speak on when it comes to losing your virginity. In the book, my 22-year-old self is telling the story of my teenage experience, while my 32-year-old self is giving advice. I am currently 36, and I really wanna give my 32-year-old self some advice (lol). My mindset is still growing and my views on life have definitely changed.
Let me share part of that book here:
As I lie here alone at three o’clock in the morning, I find myself wondering, ‘Why am I alone?’ I am a good woman, and I don’t think I’m ugly on the inside or outside. However, I must be because I can’t seem to find a man who will stay with me and be faithful in our relationship. Every man in my life that I have been with has either cheated on me, used me, or both. I have not had many boyfriends, but as I look back there was this one guy that changed…my…life.
My first real relationship lasted for two years. I wouldn’t say we were in love, but I did care about him a lot. I was in high lust—very high lust—but he respected me, and for that, I say, ‘Thank you.’ He made me feel safe and special…like a princess. I received gifts and letters like clockwork, phone calls were consistent, and he came to see ‘his boo’, whenever he could. Without my parents’ knowledge, of course—we were young, and I was not supposed to be dating until sixteen. We had a good relationship, unfortunately with a few other girls on his part. As the old saying goes, all good things come to an end, and in this case, they did.
It was on Valentine’s Day that I felt it was best to protect my boyfriend’s heart and fulfill my desires, so I let our relationship go. Why? Because my eyes were set on a crush…yes, a crush! I had actually been interested in this guy for years, and to make my odds even better, he was feeling me too! Three days and one phone call later, I was a happy girl.
Finally, I was in a relationship—the beginning of the attachment to my crush. This story of my life in the factory of love is long and very difficult to share, but I feel that by telling my story, it will help someone else in the area of understanding love.
Even as I grow older, my perception of love changes over time. Sitting here, ten years later, I am still in the process of becoming wiser. When my 32-year-old mindset revisits my 22-year-old ways of thinking, my heart is filled with mixed emotions. I look back and realize just how broken and hurt I was, however, I rejoice because of the progress I have made (and still making) by changing my mindset. Enjoy being in my business, because I enjoyed writing it. God Bless!
I discovered I was pregnant with my daughter two weeks before leaving for college! It was actually my birthday weekend. I’ll never forget, it was the summer after we graduated from high school, and I was at this hotel with her father. Due to feeling extra curvy and noticing the shape of my body changing, I called my homegirl, Nicole, to come to take me to the store to get a pregnancy test.
Back at the hotel, I snuck the test in. I followed the instructions to get a reading from the test when there was a knock at the door. I remember Lonnie (my then-partner) saying, ‘Hey, man, hurry up!’ Here I was trying to read the results of the test, and his bladder wanted to interfere. I quickly hid the box at the bottom of the trash, hid the test in my shirt, and opened the door. He looked at me as if he could see straight through the door.
When he closed the door, I hid the test under the bed in a panic, but like a wise fool…I forgot to look at the results! By the time I caught my breath and reached for the test, the bathroom door swung open. He of course asked me, ‘Where is the test?’ To my surprise, he was standing in the doorway with the empty box.
My spine tensed up and my heart was beating like OJ’s before his ‘not guilty’ verdict. My first instinct was to lie, but I told the truth like a child who had just got caught with their hand in the cookie jar. I hesitantly pointed under the bed. He walked over, grabbed the test, and looked at it. He handed it to me and asked me what it meant.
I wasn’t surprised to see that there were two very distinct pink lines. I was pregnant, again. I told him what the lines meant. He looked at me and just got back into bed. I was confused! Was he happy, mad, sad, or what? He showed no emotion for at least twenty minutes. I asked if he was upset that I was pregnant again. He reached over and kissed my forehead and never said a word. At that moment, we ‘comforted’ each other with the same act that made us teen parents.
That night we talked and looked back on our journey. Our very long, interesting journey. This time, we only told a few people about my pregnancy. I told my best friend Dalain and my friend Nicole. He only told his oldest brother Jemel.
The end of August came, and the day arrived for me to leave for college. Mind you, I did not know how far along I was or if I would be able to stay in school. I can remember turning onto the campus road and bursting into tears. I leaned on Lonnie’s shoulder and told him I wanted to go back home. My family came and helped me move in, ignorant of my pregnancy. I was not scared to tell my mother about the baby, but I was scared that she was going to make me stay home. I COULD NOT LET THAT HAPPEN!
I found a doctor the following week who was close to my college and found out my due date would be March 24, 2004. I was calmer and more aware of what to expect with this pregnancy, and more importantly, aware of possible complications. Amod, my son, was premature, and I found out during that pregnancy my uterus was tilted. Due to that and a long list of stress, he came prematurely and transitioned in my arms a few hours after being born. With this pregnancy, yes, there was stress, BUT it was healthy stress. I was seven weeks into my pregnancy, and it seemed like a lifetime before SHE would come. Yes, a girl…Cianie KaLeeah Pearson.
When I went home to visit, I showed my mom the sonogram from my doctor’s appointment. She’s a very soft-spoken yet strong woman. She asked a few questions and started planning for the new addition to our family. My mother has always been supportive, and for that, I am so very thankful.
By December, when I came home for the holiday break, there was no hiding the belly bump. My aunt and mom took me to buy some maternity clothing, which was a very emotional moment for me. I can remember looking in the mirror in the dressing room and saying, ‘I’m a statistic!’ Not only was I a statistic, but I was also officially the talk of the town, AGAIN! Yet this time, I was ‘different’!
During pregnancy, physical and mental health was my number one priority. I was determined to keep my stress level low and my grades high. I felt like since I had made adult decisions, I needed to start acting more like an adult. Thankfully, I had a very strong support system. Between my best friend Dalain, her boyfriend (now husband), and my friend Shirley, I had the day-to-day support I needed while actually attending college.
We all attended the same university. I also had my Aunt Vee and Uncle Danny an hour up the road (the godparents of my daughter) and my friend Shirley’s Aunt Rachel (she was my daughter’s godmother as well, RIP you are missed) making sure I was eating properly and wanting to know about every appointment. I even had my grandparents and my mother and other family and friends, but who I really wanted to support me the most was (you guessed it) my child’s father, my heart at the time.
I really didn’t want to go through this pregnancy alone. I had already lost one child, and I was doing all I could not to lose another one. I was swimming, walking, eating right, doing yoga, and dragging my friend Shirley to pregnancy classes. I know Dalain and Shirley were tired of me and the ‘extreme’ lengths I went to in order to remain healthy on all levels. I had them stressed out like they were the pregnant ones. For the mood swings, the false alarm trips to the hospital, the mid-day Dairy Queen snicker blazer craves, the late night Taco Bell food runs, my friends were there! They never made me feel less than. They were there for me then and are still being supportive to this day. THANK YOU!
Even though my friends were there, my ‘heart’ was not. Lonnie and I being divided by distance made pregnancy a bit harder some days. The phone calls weren’t enough for me, so I found myself going home more and more often. While at home, we planned until we could not plan anymore, but our plans got altered when he made the decision to take a basketball opportunity in Arizona. This raised my stress levels! Only raising my stress levels more was that he was scheduled to leave very close to my due date! I was PISSED!!!!!! Would I AGAIN have to deliver our child WITHOUT him?
For a week, he stayed in my dorm room with me, hoping that our little bundle of joy would come before he boarded his flight to Arizona. Unfortunately, she didn’t!
Her dad left for Arizona that Tuesday. My final doctor’s appointment was on Thursday, and I was scheduled to be induced on Monday. Monday finally came, and it was the first day of Spring Break. I was heading to the hospital with my Mom (Yvette) and Grandma (Hester), and I was feeling so many emotions, yet still feeling so emotionless. I had been preparing for this moment for months and it was finally here. I had made the choice to have a natural childbirth, but after I dilated 6 c.m., a few shots of Demerol in my IV soon became my heaven on earth. Labor wasn’t the worst pain I had ever felt, but it wasn’t the best either.
Again, I had a great support system. My Aunt Vee arrived and came into the delivery room along with my Grandma Hester. My mother decided to wait to see the star of the show AFTER the show. After a lot of breathing and three big pushes, I heard a cry, she was here! A few moments later, I could finally feel my daughter on my chest. I looked up at her big bright eyes that were wide open, looking right back at me. My first thought was, ‘Why are her eyes open?’ Now that I look back I laugh at myself for having that thought.
My Grandma cut her umbilical cord, and I spent a day in the hospital. We named her Cianie KaLeeah Pearson. This beautiful name was given to my daughter by my mother (Yvette). After I was released, Cianie and I rode home with my grandpa (Joe) and grandma (Hester).
Motherhood in the early days was an interesting journey. Honestly, I had A LOT of help, and it was help I really needed while I was healing physically and mentally. I was 18, and I was a mom, but I was also a college student, and it was time for me to leave my daughter with my mom and grandparents and head back to class.
Leaving my daughter was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. That was one of the main challenges I faced in my early years of parenthood. Monday through Thursday, I was away in college being a student. Friday through Sunday night, I was home being a parent.
Emotionally, I was confused and stuck in the world-wine of being a teen and being an adult. I soon got a job and was unable to come home as often. At some point, I took advantage of not having my daughter with me all the time, and I started partying and making choices that caused lifetime consequences. My grades went from A’s to ‘thank God I passed’ Cs and Ds. After a few years, I finally went back home and started a new journey with my daughter. I needed something, and I was determined to figure out what it was.
By this time, Cianie’s father and I were on-and-off on a romantic level but continued to try to be the best version of parents that we knew how to be. It wasn’t easy raising Cianie with him at times because our values and views on certain topics were definitely not the same.
I drilled Cianie with educational material and only allowed her into certain environments. I was overprotective and apprehensive. (I still am to a degree). He was the dad that allowed her to watch SpongeBob Squarepants and eat cookies for breakfast while I was the LeapFrog Learning Center mom with apple slices. Yet somehow we managed to sustain a ‘reasonable’ relationship over the years that cultivated a beautiful human being, with the help of others. We didn’t make it as a couple, but we definitely made a beautiful, intelligent, and lovable daughter.
Being a teen parent has taught me the true value of wisdom, knowledge, and understanding. I have learned to grant grace to myself and grant grace to others. I know I made a lot of mistakes I can never undo, however, wisdom has taught me to share the knowledge of my experiences with others so they can have a better understanding that actions bring about consequences.
Today, I am the proud mom of a 17-year-old college student. Cianie is currently attending an academic medical university in Georgia, majoring in Kinesiology to obtain her doctoral degree in physical therapy. She graduated from the Manifest A Deliverance Foundation INC Non-Traditional Educational Program in Georgia where I hold the title of founder and president.
Her father is still active in her life, and the village is still being supportive. My grandparents have both transitioned, yet we still hold on to the lessons that they taught and the memories we shared.
My Life has changed so much since becoming a teen mother. I now have two wonderful daughters. Cianie KaLeeh 17 (college student) and KayLee Michelle 9 (a published author, actress, and model).
I have been a successful business owner of Shonie’s Braids for 22 years. I am co-owner of a branding & marketing company called thePinkGroup and as stated, I am the founder & President of the Manifest A Deliverance Foundation where we encourage ALL people to ‘Get MAD the Right Way’ and to live a MADlife. A MADlife is defined as living a life of clarity in the mind that indicates (shows) personal freedoms that benefit oneself and others.
Who knew that this confused 17-year-old teen would grow up to be a God-lover, a great mother, an abrosexual woman, a small business owner, a non-profit founder, an author, a motivational speaker, and so much more. More importantly, I have found out I am a spark. That person who comes into the lives of others to start or ignite the fire that lies within. In closing, my hope is that your hunger to value wisdom, knowledge, and understanding is sparked from my story.
-A Better Hashondra”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Hashondra of Brunswick, GA. You can follow her journey on Facebook, Instagram and find her book on Amazon. Submit your own story here and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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