“No one told me how much I would have to give up.
How much of my life would be lost, when I added this tiny new person to it.
Some days, I mourn the woman I used to be. The woman who had the time and money for every hobby, happy hour, girls trip, or shopping spree.
Who had career ambitions, and the energy to work to achieve them.
The woman who kept up with fashion trends, new music, celebrity gossip, and current events.
You know, the woman who used to do other things.
I haven’t been her for almost three years now, but I still miss her.
Nope, no one told me how much I would have to give up.
But you know what? No one told me how much I would gain.
Like the amazement of feeling tiny baby kicks, and the awe of knowing I was growing a new life within me.
The joy of watching her meet each milestone, feeling so proud of the work we both put in to get her there.
The wonder of hearing her coos become babbles, babbles become words, and words become phrases and sentences. The astonishment of watching her personality take shape, her mind make brilliant connections, and seeing the world through her fresh, unjaded eyes.
The bliss of hearing her say, ‘I love you Mommy,’ and asking me to hold her when she’s sad.
The fulfillment of knowing how much she needs me, and how much I need her too.
How much my busy life needed her to disrupt it.
And the realization, nothing is better than this. No wine night, shopping trip, or vacation would be worth the trade.
One day, I’ll have my old self back. But I’ll never have these moments with my baby back. So on that day, I’ll be glad I slowed down for awhile. Took the time to be present with her, even when it meant putting me on hold for a bit.
Nope, no one told me how much I would gain.
That in losing part of myself, I would find something so much sweeter. Something—or rather, someone—definitely worth giving some things up for.”
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