‘You want to hold mommy’s hair?’ She stopped crying a bit and mumbled, ‘Yeah.’: Mom shares realization on breaking generational cycles after daughter’s ‘massive fit’

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“Last night, my toddler threw a massive fit. And after almost 15 minutes of pulling out all the stops to make her stop crying or calm down, it seemed it was only getting worse.

She didn’t want her pacifier.

She wasn’t hungry—we just had dinner.

She wasn’t tired.

She didn’t want to sit.

Didn’t want to lay down.

She didn’t want her favorite stuffed animals.

She didn’t want to watch her show.

Going outside didn’t help.

Her diaper was still dry.

I started getting frustrated. I got down to her level, held her arms, and looked at her just BAWLING her eyes out.

I gently said, ‘Addy, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know why you’re mad. What do you want baby?’

She reached for my hair, which was in a bun.

I said, ‘You want to hold mommy’s hair?’

She sniffled, stopped crying a bit, and mumbled, ‘Yeah.’

So I picked her up, sat her beside me on the couch with her show on, undid my hair bun, and she began combing her hands through it. Not crying. Then she laid her head on my shoulder.

I teared up remembering how when I was younger, I would have been picked up and gotten mad at for crying like that, then left to cry.

Now that I’m an adult, it’s somewhat the same, though. I’m made to feel almost guilty for having a good life, yet can’t seem to get my depression in check like it’s supposed to be linked. But that’s another story.

She’s a toddler learning her emotions, and we have to remember they can’t communicate what they want for comfort when their feelings get big.

Imagine how frustrating that would be. She just wanted to hold my hair. It’s been her comfort since she was a newborn. That’s it. That’s all she wanted.

It’s so hard, I’m not gonna lie, so hard not to let my frustrations with raising my first child get the best of me…but I just remember my child deserves love and gentleness.

Because the cycle I went through, and somewhat still go through, HAS TO END. It ends with me, for her.”

close-up of toddler daughter grabbing on to her mother's hair
Courtesy of Sharmaine H

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Sharmaine H. and originally appeared here. You can follow her journey on Instagram and her website. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

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