Please Quit Asking Women When They Plan To Have More Kids

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“Quit telling me I’m due for another.

Quit telling me the clock is ticking.

Quit telling me to try for the very thing I long for.

Quit telling me my child needs a sibling.

Quit telling me the second one is easier.

Quit telling me about the cursed age gap between siblings. Quit telling me one more would make our family complete.

Quit telling me my child needs a built-in best friend, and I ought to try for a boy.

Quit asking if it’s baby weight.

Quit telling me my child will be spoiled without a sibling, or that she will be weird without one.

Quit asking if we’re a one-and-done family.

Quit telling me it’s what’s best for the little one.

Quit telling me my child will be lonely.

Quit telling me my body is running out of time.

Quit asking me, ‘WHY NOT?’

mother bends down to touch foreheads with her daughter
Courtesy of Wallflower Writing

Because even when you are well-meaning, for some of us, the question can feel painfully loaded.

We have tried.

We already know about the ticking clock.

We want that too.

We have carried.

We know about the cursed age gap.

We cried.

We are okay with where we are at.

We are working.

We have begged, we have prayed.

We don’t know why.

We have sacrificed.

We are tired.

We have grieved.

We have labored.

We have loved and we have lost.

So we sit with the strength of ourselves while we laugh off the question that our insides scoff at, but yet we still are so frequently asked.

‘When will you have another?’

I beg you, never ask. Because sometimes, oftentimes, you don’t really know what it is that you’re asking.

For all the pills you can not swallow.

For all these losses you do not know.

For all these things you do not see.

For all the answers we can not give you regarding these powerful questions you ask. For feelings only a mother can feel.

For all the prices only women who are mothers will ever have to pay.

I beg you, please quit asking.

Quit assuming it is a choice we all have.

Because for some women… it is not.”

mom holds out her hand to her young daughter
Courtesy of Wallflower Writing

This story was submitted to Love What Matters  by Wallflower Writing at Detroit Moms. You can follow her journey on Instagram and her websiteSubmit your own story here and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

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