Dear Parents, Please Teach Your Children About Differences

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“Today hurt. We went to a new church because our oldest son was speaking about his camp experience. The church dismissed for children’s church and I walked my three youngest back to the meeting room for children.

As we walked in the room, there were four tables set up filled with kids. The minute we walked inside, the room became silent and every child stared or pointed at my son, Joel.

Joel was born with a craniofacial impairment. He is missing an ear and some bone structure. I know he looks different, but today hurt.

I stood at the door and watched every child look with eyes wide and mouths open at my child. I stepped in and was about to address the entire class about differences; but then I stopped.

I stopped and looked to the back of the room where my son had fled to hide. He had buried his head in his arms because you cannot hide in plain sight. My heart sank and the room remained silent as I walked back to Joel.

I touched his shoulder and he raised eyes shiny with tears and a face red with shame. I knelt down and asked, ‘do you want to leave?’ ‘Yes’, he whispered, and he stood and ran from the room.

I held him in my arms during church and he drew ‘Joel loves Mom’ on my palm. Tears welled in my throat. My beautiful and loving son deserves so much more than stares and pointing. And I thought about what I didn’t do in that room today.

In the past, I have always stepped into the role of teacher to educate kids. This has happened before, and I would step in and talk about differences, but today I did not. Today, I did not teach someone else’s kid because I was too busy holding my broken-hearted son.

So, I ask all parents this, teach your children. Teach your children that many people look different. Show them pictures of people that look different. And then explain that it is not okay to stare at someone that looks different, it’s not okay to point.

Teach them that my boy is the same on the inside as your child is. He loves Dodge Ram trucks, and Minecraft, and digging in the dirt. He loves ketchup but does not love broccoli.

And mostly, he does not like people staring or pointing out that he looks different. I don’t think he needs this pointed out, it’s something he lives with every day.

I am not angry. I do not think these were bad, mean children. I think no one has ever taught them. And so, this post is asking you to take a moment tonight and talk about what to do when you see someone that looks different.

Show them pictures of people with different colored skin, different eyes, different abilities to talk, walkers to walk, wheelchairs to roll. Show them children with no hair, without an ear, without an arm. Take a moment and share all kinds of different. Now teach your child that a beautiful person is found with the heart; not the eyes.”

hand with "joel loves mom" written in pen
Courtesy of Stacey Jackson Gagnon

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Stacey Jackson Gagnon. You can follow her journey on her blog. Join the Love What Matters family and subscribe to our newsletter.

Read more stories from Stacey:

‘In ONE week, I’ve heard: ‘What’s wrong with her?’ ‘That’s so sad she has no arm.’ ‘She’s scary, I don’t like her.’: Special needs mom shares important reminder to teach inclusivity

‘Mommy, he called me a monster.’: Special needs mom urges ‘take 10 minutes to teach your child about differences’ before schools reopen

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