‘Once you deliver your baby, you’ll be gifted mesh underwear the size of Mt. Everest and you’ll think they’ve made a mistake.’: Woman shares hilariously honest postpartum advice for new moms

“My Postpartum Crash Course:

1. Once you deliver your baby, you’ll be gifted these beautiful mesh underwear and pads (and ice packs). You’ll think they’ve made a mistake and should be given to a different patient. However, you will be grateful for your first pair of mesh underwear the size of Mt. Everest because you will NEED them. Actually, you’ll be stocking up on as many as you can fit in your bag to take home.

2. You won’t be cleared to leave the hospital until you either a) pass gas or b) take a s–t (depends on C-section or vaginal birth). They want to make sure your insides are functioning properly.

3. You will still look pregnant when you leave the hospital. That little belly will still be there and some people may mistake you to still be pregnant (even when you’re holding your newborn baby).

4. You will be told not to lift anything heavier than your newborn (especially if you have a C-section).

5. You will not be able to drive when you leave the hospital. After a vaginal birth, you’ll be told to wait a week. If you have C-section, they will tell you two to three weeks.

6. You are not able to have sex, take a bath (only showers) or workout until you are cleared from your doctor, which usually happens at your first doctor visit 4-6 weeks postpartum. Give your body a break, you just gave birth and created a human for the last 9 months.

7. You will bleed. You may bleed for a couple months.

8. Breastfeeding/pumping will be your full-time job. It is a beautiful thing, but at times it may be overwhelming. You will constantly be hungry; there is no dieting. Fill your belly with foods full of nutrition – you are your newborn’s food source. Eat and don’t feel guilty!

9. You will be a diaper changing machine! Babies crap all day/night long.

10. You will be tired! From my experience, the first two weeks I’m feeling like super woman, but that suddenly goes to s–t and I crash due to no sleep. You will be a walking zombie.

Remember the newborn stage is just a phase. It doesn’t last forever, you will find a routine that works for you. Enjoy all the newborn snuggles, sleepy toots and smiles, and newborn smell.”

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Samantha of Chicago, IL. You can follow her journey on Instagram and her website. Submit your own story here and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more postpartum stories here:

‘How can I feel so much loss at a time I am the most grateful?’: Postpartum mom shares ‘paradoxical emotions’ after giving birth to second child

‘I was in heaven holding my baby, but my brain was spiraling. ‘We need to get you help.’ I thought I was crazy.’: New mom overcomes postpartum depression, ‘I can be the mom I’ve always wanted to be’

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‘I ripped off the dress that was now too tight. Then, out of rage, I ripped it in half, tears pouring down my face.’: Mom accepts postpartum body changes

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