“I yelled at my husband over it. I blamed him for ruining my body. I ripped the dress off that was now too tight. And then, out of rage, I ripped it in half with tears pouring out of my face.
It didn’t feel right in the moment to blame the babies, two pregnancies back-to-back, or even myself. I wanted to be angry at something else and it was easy at the time to take it out on him. (Hindsight is always 20/20. I apologized and came to my senses, don’t worry!)
I ran to the nursery in my maternity bra and underwear, my body jiggling with me down the hallway. I looked into this same mirror, and I kneaded at my belly angrily with my hands. I fell to the floor and cried, feeling sorry for myself.
It wasn’t until my 2-year-old son cracked opened the door and said in his soft little voice, ‘It’s okay, Mom. It’s okay.’ He wrapped me into his little arms and hugged me tight. I cried even harder, now just feeling grateful.
I wanted to still be angry, in that moment, over my postpartum body… but I couldn’t. I realized it really was okay.
It’s okay to sometimes break down during postpartum. It’s okay to be sad about your transformation with each pregnancy, or to not love your postpartum body at times.
It is okay to have sacrificed my body twice for my babies. I didn’t always look this way and I won’t always look this way.
I bought the largest pair of jeans I’ve ever owned. And I cried again in the Target dressing room for the second time since the birth of my second son. The first time was trying on a bigger bathing suit. One that fit over the monstrosity of my milky breastfeeding boobs and squishy tummy.
My body may be softer. Clothes are looser and a bit bigger. Motherhood makes you grow in every way. And it’s okay. All of it. It’s okay.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Brittany Bacinski of Detroit Moms. You can follow her journey on Instagram. Submit your own story here and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories.
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