LJ Herman is a former editor at Love What Matters and lives in Colorado. LJ is a concert, ticket and technology enthusiast. He has seen the Dave Mathews Band over one hundred times and counting.
‘We noticed Milena was randomly limping, would have a sore tummy, and always wanted to be picked up and carried around. She started to scream at night.’
“He said ‘There are a couple of reasons why your child may not be able to walk. How could all of the doctors have missed this? Why her? What did I do wrong?”
‘That’s when I heard the thud. The sound of a 200-plus pound body hitting the nightstand next to our bed. A healthy, 31-year old, former athlete doesn’t just drop.’: Woman surprised by husband’s heart condition
“No one saw the storm coming, nor should we have. I was still in that newborn, post-delivery haze: night feedings, peri-pads, staples sore in my stomach. I had a rough go since my son’s birth. Then, that Saturday morning, the tsunami hit.”
‘She had less than 25 words in her vocabulary when you met. You said to give her a chance. When others doubted her potential, you advocated.’
“She had round cheeks and two tiny, wispy pigtails that you tell me you remember like it was yesterday.”
‘I came home and took off the removable seals from our lids… and THIS is what I found!’
“My husband actually battled infection in his body this fall, and we couldn’t figure out what was going on. Now I wonder if it too was attributed to our cups!”
‘Every week, they wanted me to abort. I was asked several times at every appointment. Did they get a prize for ‘selling’ me on an abortion? It sure seemed like it.’
“At 16 weeks, we were scheduled for our anatomy scan to find out if it was a boy or girl. On that day, not only did we find out that we were going to be having a boy, but we also found out that our baby had an anomaly, and we needed to see a specialist right away.”
‘I couldn’t keep any food down. I had lost 25 pounds. Something serious was going on, I could feel it in my bones. And I was pregnant.’
“I remember saying to him that something must be brewing for us because our life had been too easy! The rest was a blur of grief and anger. I have a lifelong disease—one that will never be cured. One that was caused by IVF.”
‘This is an unhealthy pregnancy. There is no way he will make it.’ My husband and I didn’t believe them. We saw a baby kicking with a strong heartbeat. We have never felt more confused.’
“He was born the following morning, eyes still fused shut. His skin was translucent. It was the scariest thing I have ever seen. He was intubated right away. I refused. I knew he was strong, and I knew if they just gave him TIME he would get there, as he always had.”
‘She ‘knew I wouldn’t understand.’ Immediately I corrected her. I’m no stranger to pain. My husband struggled to pull the utensils out of their ‘hiding place.’ Then, I heard him say it.’
“You do it for the people who don’t even live here. You do it to impress your visitors. You do it so no one will see your mess.”
‘Each morning I wake up with the same thought. ‘Do I want to eat today, or do I want to feel skinny?’ I refuse my family’s offerings as they cook their eggs and pour their cereal.’
“I quietly sip my coffee and think to myself, ‘If I eat, I’m instantly going to feel fat.’ It’s a 2-hour struggle with fear and lies about my body before I realize I’m actually starving.”
‘You both seemed fine.’ I said. ‘Were you two fighting behind closed doors or something?’ I was on the phone with a divorced friend. I didn’t know what to say. She’d been married 13 years.’
“Then I thought about the night my father left. He came home and told my mother he’d been having an affair, and that he was leaving. I remember it being church quiet. It was an eerie, weighty silence I didn’t understand then.”