LJ Herman is a former editor at Love What Matters and lives in Colorado. LJ is a concert, ticket and technology enthusiast. He has seen the Dave Mathews Band over one hundred times and counting.
‘We found out we were pregnant at 17. We were scared. Soon after, we were having a second.’: Woman shares teen pregnancy, co-parenting story, ‘I’m so grateful for my ex’
“We had the ‘million dollar’ family. A boy, a girl, and two high school sweethearts who got married and made it through teen pregnancy. But then, we started to lose the ‘spark.'”
‘Everyone was telling me something was WRONG with my baby and I had to FIX him. So, I OBSESSED about it. Oh, holy night, guys. ENOUGH.’
“I sound harsh, but can we stop? I was that mom, too. With the busy fingers. Googling all the things that could possibly be wrong with my child.”
‘I let out a loud cry and immediately the words ‘I’M GOING TO BE A MOM’ poured out. My husband was in the other room and screamed ‘WHAT!’ We sobbed for hours. We couldn’t believe it.’
“I will never forget the moment our doctor told us. I was terrified what his next response would be. What happened? I broke down in tears. I was a healthy 26 year old. I could not understand.”
‘I would think, ‘I have time for me later. It’s their time now.’ The doctor confirmed I wasn’t dying ‘at that moment’ and sent me home. I laid across the receptionist’s desk sobbing, begging them to help me.’
“Looking back, I saw it coming but thought I could power through it. Well, even the strong need a break, and because I wasn’t taking one, my body did the work for me. It was a slow-moving storm that turned into a hurricane, and I went down. Hard.”
‘What should we do now? Adopt a kid or something?’ My chin dropped to the floor. Our family had JUST gotten our heads back above water.’: Couple anxiously waits to adopt son, ‘let’s freaking do it’
“My first response as a rational, responsible wife and mother-of-2 was, ‘HELL NO we should not.’ It sounded too expensive, too risky and too… much. Then my cell phone rang. With caution in her voice, she told me about an 18-month-old little boy, whose mom had unexpectedly passed away, after he was born 10 weeks too early. I am nothing if I’m not a people pleaser. This whole thing seemed too on-the-nose, too predestined, to ignore.”
‘I stood there, firm in my stance, hands on my hips, and let them cry rivers all around me – to the point I became an island. Just a big ole, mean mom island.’
“I sure won’t apologize for it. I had to stop caring whether they were having a good time. I made sure my children knew, once and for all, I am more than a friend.”
‘I can’t! I can’t!’, it hurt so much in my chest at that moment I couldn’t say anything else. We were relieved our little girl’s suffering was about to end, just not the way we had hoped.’
“We were told she would be okay. We were told she was strong. We were led to believe she wouldn’t need to be hospitalized. After being intubated, her father was showering, and I heard what sounded like crackling.”
‘I kept bleeding, I had pain. They assured me it would ‘be over soon.’ I just didn’t feel right. I went to another OBGYN, and I got in THAT DAY. It sounded so morbid.’
“I called my husband sobbing, feeling like there was an elephant sitting on my chest. Not only did dissolving a pregnancy, a baby with a heartbeat, feel so morally wrong, I felt like a complete failure. After all, it was absolutely my tubes that were the problem.”
‘I knew something was up. She walked over to the couch, sits down, turns the TV on and I realized. It’s freaking Bachelor season.’
“It’s the grand opening. It’s like a crazy hormonal circus for married chicks. You bet your right freaking leg she can Instafollow, Snapchat and Facestalk 24 random women, working with nothing more than a first name a grid reference of 200 square miles.”
‘Let him move, God,’ I would silently plead over and over. We endured 9 long months of uncertainty. I easily lose patience and become consumed with exhaustion.’
“For me, it was 9 months of living in fear that each kick from within, each twinge, each flutter, would be the last. And for him, it was 9 months of surviving in a womb that had left his two previous siblings without breath, a womb that had seen more death than life.”