“I wasn’t pregnant anymore technically, and those pills stopped more than just my physical pain – they numbed my emotions as well. I would hide pills around the house – on shelves behind clothes, in drawers, even in my kids’ rooms – anywhere.”
‘I drove high with my kids in the car. They would hear me lie through my teeth about pain I’d made up, just to get a script. My husband threatened to leave me, but I was so good at lying to him.’
‘Levi has been begging to wear a dress to school. You can see the pure joy on his face and how beautiful he feels. My heart raced as we took him to school.’
“As I left, I couldn’t help but pray and hope he would have a perfect day. Until I got a phone call.”
‘I vividly remember the crazy looks I got with my huge pregnant belly and a newborn baby draped across my chest. I would stare too. It’s an odd sight, and honestly something I never imagined for myself.’
“But, there I was, about to have 2 babies 3 months apart.”
‘I ran across an old boyfriend’s picture today. Not just any ole boyfriend, but the one who broke my heart, who shattered it into a million pieces, the one I was certain was ‘the one.”
“I cried over him. I lost weight over him. I stayed in bed for a week over him, and then went out every night for a month over him. I kept running it over and over in my head, completely melted into my mess thinking, ‘God, why? I don’t deserve this.'”
‘On our wedding day, by the end of the night, he was drained. The morning after, he slept in late because he was so exhausted. His heart was racing, he was shaking.’
“I could see the fear in his eyes looking back at me from the mirror the second I approached him.”
‘Bri, the smell is getting worse.’ I open the cabinet under the sink. My dad screams, ‘The house is on fire, we need to get out!’
“All of a sudden, a large cloud of smoke starts creeping in – and fast.”
‘I accidentally wet my pants. Girls at school kept blocking me from the bathroom, saying I would break the mirrors with my ‘ugly dog face.’’
“When I found the note, my heart stopped fluttering and started pounding. My eyes welled up with tears as I read what the note said. ‘Who would want to go with trash like you?’”
‘I know you feel invisible. I see you running your child to therapy when friends take their kids to Little League. I see you cringe when people whine about petty things that pale in comparison to your day.’
“I see you slipping out the of conversation when your friends are all chiming in about milestones and test grades. I want you to know it’s worth it.”
‘I’m sorry when you want to have sex, I just want 10 minutes alone. I’m sorry you’re always questioning what happened to the girl you fell in love with.’
“I wish we could still be this much in love, this touchy feely, this happy, but we aren’t. I wish I could tell you things will change, but I can’t.”
‘Something strange happened. I began to cramp severely. I passed an object – I had no idea what was. I was a virgin, but it was like I had miscarried. The object was clear and full of veins.’
“This is very uncommon for your age. We normally don’t see anything like this in people under the age of 50. You need to have all the kids you want before we remove it. We will leave it in until you can’t handle the pain from it anymore.”
