“I was never able to wrap you in a blanket and breathe you in. I’ll never comfort you when you’re sad, scared, or hurt. But I carried you. I knew you. And when I began losing you, when you started to leave my body much too early, a part of me went with you. I hope you know you would have fit right in with us. I hope you feel us. Because we will never stop loving you.”
“She came up behind me. Distracted by my full hands, I didn’t see her at first, but he did. I felt him tense up. He buried his little face in my shoulder and shouted, ‘No!’ I saw someone reaching for him. ‘Looks like he doesn’t want to go to you.’ She looked offended and tried to tickle him instead. ‘No!’ He screamed again.”
“The social worker sent me a message. She was cleaning out her office and found one of my son’s baby pictures, taken months before we met him. I had never seen him make that facial expression. I wondered who took it. Where was he? There is so much I don’t know. But I do know, one day this will be so be important to him.”
“If his restaurant order is better, he’ll switch plates. He knows all my favorite ‘lady products’ and will run to the pharmarcy for me. He unloads the groceries while I sit with the seat warmers on. Every time. I wasted years looking for the love shown in movies, disappointed time and time again, instead of paying attention to how HE loves.”
“Suddenly, I heard a gunshot and felt intense pain in my stomach. I couldn’t feel my baby moving anymore. The last thing I remember, I was being wheeled in for an emergency c-section, all eyes on me. When I finally saw my daughter, I could tell she was fighting. In my arms, her body started to fade to purple. ‘When you finally say enough is enough, she will be put to rest.’ Still, I held her through each breath. I was at a complete loss of words.”
“We were at a party. A little boy came up to me. ‘Why isn’t Riley talking to me? I’m asking him questions and he won’t answer me.’ Our son has Down syndrome. After learning Riley will be going to mainstream school, one parent asked, ‘How will he be able to get along with other children?’ It was like BANG. He is his own character, the same as every child.”
“The flyer tells girls, ‘Wear a little lip gloss. And don’t forget the approved dress standards. You don’t want the guy dancing with you to feel uncomfortable because of the questionable outfit you justified.’ No. NOPE. NOOO! My church taught me I needed men to tell me how to behave sexually. I lived my whole life with shame, guilt. This is not happening with my daughter.”
“I was scared. My job as a school bus driver doesn’t offer maternity leave, I had no savings (hello, single mom!) and I couldn’t afford to just not work. I was due 3 weeks before school started. Her father wasn’t in the operating room for her birth. ‘You robbed me of a great moment, never contact me again.’ He moved across the country without even seeing her. It was official. There would be no co-parenting, I was once again a single mom. I had to make this work.”
“I awoke at 10 p.m. to light and sobbing coming from my daughter’s room. I went in to find her sitting up in bed, tears streaming. When someone breaks their heart, we can’t talk them into loving our baby again. When they don’t have friends, we can’t set up play dates. When they don’t get the job, we can’t plead with the employer. There was nothing I could do.”
“I noticed her stomach seemed very bloated, especially on one side. I asked family members to take a look – no one was concerned. The oncologist asked lots of questions, but one stopped us in our tracks. ‘Has anyone in your families had cancer?’ I looked at my husband, and he looked at me. In that moment, we both knew what she was about to say. ‘I’m so sorry.’ She had tears in her eyes.”
