“This time it will work. I even have two bottles of sleeping pills for safety’s sake. Time to die. I unscrew both lids and turn the tap on. I’ve locked the door behind me, just in case, but I’m not expecting anyone else … not in this lifetime.”
‘I love you, Cindy, I’ll always love you. Please forgive me.’ I was no longer going to be her Momma and watch her grow up. ‘DO IT NOW,’ the Voice says.’
‘The doctor told us how rare the condition is, but he was even rarer. I gently held his tiny fingers and spoke softly to him, reassuring him he was alright and we were there with him.’
“He was seated behind his desk and immediately I noticed his uncomfortable body language. Nothing can prepare a mother for that. I understood the seriousness of everything, yet I was so excited and eager to meet my baby.”
‘I didn’t realize how much I would miss my dad’s handwriting. I didn’t know handwriting could be part of the grieving process. Mourning handwriting? But I did. I still do.’
“I watched him sketch out that second attempt and smile at it. He looked up and said, ‘How’s this one? I think this one is better, don’t you think?’ Maybe he was imagining it actually being tattooed on me and how that would feel, after he was gone.”
‘Are they ALL yours?’ My husband loves to whisper, ‘Not all of them are mine. My wife went through a wild phase.’
“Going out every night. Conceiving children in bar restrooms with strange men. But I just loved her through it.”
‘Some children are just born feral. If a know-it-all wants to tell you otherwise, go find them a drunk and hungry hyena. Shove it into some Doc McStuffins pull-ups and drop it off at their house.’
“Tell them it likes to eat broccoli and really needs a bath. Then go back in 24 hours and see how confident Mr. Know It All still feels about parenting your feral born child.”
‘Two women wanted to help us create the family we had always wanted. The funny thing is – we never asked them. They asked US.’
“My first comment was, ‘We need to hire some staff!!!’ I actually almost fainted. The nurse had to bring me a glass of water before we could even attend to Danielle, who now realized she was carrying twins!”
‘I know how you’re doing it,’ she whispered, then laughed and walked away. I felt my cheeks burn in embarrassment. How could she know? I was 15 years old and had been caught.’
“I locked myself in the bathroom while my husband pounded on the door, begging me to let him in. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t believe what I was staring at. My heart pounded, and my mind raced. Was this real? Was it a faulty test? My baby was so tiny, but he or she was there, in my belly.”
‘I’m so happy, but honestly a little confused. I really thought we were going to have twins… Exactly one month later, we were contacted by our second attorney. I just knew someone was missing.’
“I knew I couldn’t sit around and wait any longer. The feeling was urgent. Our baby needed us now and no one was going to fight harder for that baby to join our family than me.”
‘You need to get to the hospital as soon as you can.’ I didn’t even have time to ask what was wrong. ‘Is my daughter going to live?’ The nurse on the other end of the line paused. ‘We don’t know.’
“The technician asked me, ‘Do you feel that?’ I asked, ‘feel what?’ She said, ‘You’re having a contraction!’ I asked if I could see her face on the monitor. ‘I can’t show you because she’s in the birth canal!'”
‘My husband waited up for me. Surprised, I sat down and asked about his day. I didn’t get very far into my question. He somberly turned off the TV and leaned forward in his seat.’
“Hands folded and eyes down, he told me he had something he needed to tell me. I had never seen him so serious. I was stunned. I didn’t understand. We were cruising right along in life. We were house shopping. We were planning family vacations. I thought I was going to become a mom soon.”
