“He left his social media open. I found chats with several girls. I made screenshots of all the conversations and printed them out. He said he was ‘only with me for citizenship’ and that a year from then, he would shoot me. I was terrified. I discovered he had a wife with 2 children. His oldest daughter was named the same as mine. His plan was to get me pregnant, marry me, and then bring his wife and children here, kicking us out of the house. I’d trusted him, but I am not weak anymore.”
“The holiday season is freshly fading, and that means pregnancy announcements have rolled out on social media. Here is to ‘that’ momma. The one who is still waiting, looking at one evil line on a pee stick. The one grieving a life she was so in love with. The one who has children of her own, but so desperately wants to give her husband a child with his DNA. The one who is tired of trying, and sad she is starting to give up.”
“In 14 days, I went from weighing 142 pounds to 155 pounds. Noticeable to you? Probably not. Recognized by me? No doubt. You shouldn’t feel a damn ounce of guilt over it.”
“The lady at the thrift store bravely asked about how we were doing. And you know what? I didn’t lie. I didn’t say good. I thought, ‘Wow, it has been over 2 years. How can that be?’ I found your box of baby clothes and the blankets Grandma made you. You are everywhere here, and at times I don’t want to live in this place anymore.”
“Work will always be there, but my babies won’t always be this small.”
“The first words out of my mouth as my body flooded with oxytocin were, ‘You are so cute.’ You were perfect, big lips, small button nose, the cutest most perfect feet I have ever seen. I said out loud to your dad multiple times that you just were so quiet in there, and I hoped you were okay. I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you. Looking at you, finally, was the most magical moment.”
“We were on cloud nine: our baby was here, he seemed to be in perfect health. I remember hugging him, saying, ‘Welcome to our family! I’m so happy to finally meet you!’ I commented on his nose and ears, but again, no red flags. Babies fresh from the womb all look like aliens anyway. His face suddenly looked completely different. I remember thinking, ‘This is not your fault.’ From the first moment I met him, he’s been whispering to me, ‘It’s okay, Mom. There’s nothing to be afraid of.'”
“People will try to cheapen your self-love with promises of the perfect glow, hair color, or skin tone. Don’t chase the elusive rabbit. Aim for healthy, and you will land on confidence. Little people are now watching. Show them a woman doesn’t have to run herself into the ground to be loved. The woman inside only needs you to love her. No man will make her come alive.”
“A nurse held my hand and whispered a prayer in my ear. That’s the last thing I remember before falling asleep. When I opened my eyes, I was alone. I tried to lift my hands and feet but couldn’t – I was tied to the bed. I began to panic. I couldn’t rest until I laid eyes on my little miracle. She was kicking, flailing her arms. I touched her finger and she grabbed my finger with all her might. It was then I knew, not only would she, but WE, would be just fine.”
“Meeting up with friends, trips away and nights out become distant memories. Because your tribe becomes parents in the same position. We can’t relax, because we still have someone to care for. It doesn’t go away. If this job was advertised, I couldn’t see many people applying.”
