‘Can I murder the baby now?’ My first day back to work from maternity leave, I got a text.’: 3-month-old shaken baby survives ‘extensive’ brain damage

“I called his father. ‘What happened?’ He didn’t have much to say. I choked down tears and made my way to the hospital. After x-rays, I was told they suspected child abuse. My baby was bleeding in his brain due to non-accidental trauma. I immediately went to his father. ‘How could this happen?!’ He just kept repeating, ‘He was choking on milk.’ I was enraged.”

‘Don’t worry honey, I have no plans to die today.’ He asked me to watch a movie with him, but I declined.’: Daughter regrets turning down dad’s invitation night he was murdered

“I called my dad and he didn’t answer, which was weird. I drove over to his house. His car was there, but he wasn’t. I started panicking. I knew something had to be horribly wrong. My dad never ignored me. I called bars I knew he’d go to when he relapsed. I couldn’t find him. Finally, around 4:00 p.m. I called the morgue. The very kind woman informed us there was a John Doe. When she described him to us, I knew it was him.”

‘Hi, my name is Mom. I feel like a ghost walking through the aisles, completely unseen and unheard. I roam around lost secretly hoping someone will ask me if I need help just so I can interact with them.’

“My girlfriends still call, most of them don’t have kids yet. I try to be the old me, the one with a name. I’m getting tugged on, sucked on, and yelled at while trying to listen to their weekend plans. I remember those. I beg them to keep asking me to hang out even though I know I won’t be able to come. Hi, my name is Mom.”

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