“‘Oh honey,’ the doctor replied, ‘you’re just being hormonal. Every woman goes through a part of her labor where she doesn’t think she can do it.’ I was shocked. I wanted some damn answers.”
‘I finally blurted out through tears, ‘If my organs are starting to fail, why aren’t we doing an emergency C-section?’ I was scared. What was happening?’
‘I drove high with my kids in the car. They would hear me lie through my teeth about pain I’d made up, just to get a script. My husband threatened to leave me, but I was so good at lying to him.’
“I wasn’t pregnant anymore technically, and those pills stopped more than just my physical pain – they numbed my emotions as well. I would hide pills around the house – on shelves behind clothes, in drawers, even in my kids’ rooms – anywhere.”
‘Levi has been begging to wear a dress to school. You can see the pure joy on his face and how beautiful he feels. My heart raced as we took him to school.’
“As I left, I couldn’t help but pray and hope he would have a perfect day. Until I got a phone call.”
‘I was ejected and thrown 50 feet from my car. I died that day. I knew I couldn’t feel my legs, but I didn’t know why. I was told I would never walk again.’
“I think every girl dreams of walking down the aisle to her husband. I had pictured it in my head since I was a little girl. I didn’t want that picture to play out differently just because of my accident. So I chased my dream.”
‘I vividly remember the crazy looks I got with my huge pregnant belly and a newborn baby draped across my chest. I would stare too. It’s an odd sight, and honestly something I never imagined for myself.’
“But, there I was, about to have 2 babies 3 months apart.”
‘I ran across an old boyfriend’s picture today. Not just any ole boyfriend, but the one who broke my heart, who shattered it into a million pieces, the one I was certain was ‘the one.”
“I cried over him. I lost weight over him. I stayed in bed for a week over him, and then went out every night for a month over him. I kept running it over and over in my head, completely melted into my mess thinking, ‘God, why? I don’t deserve this.'”
‘It was love at first sight. 3 days later, we were engaged. His symptoms of PTSD began to show. I would wear makeup to cover the bruises on my cheek.’
“His grandmother grabbed me and said, ‘You marry that boy. You don’t worry about anything anyone else has to say. They will get over it. Make him happy.’”
‘On our wedding day, by the end of the night, he was drained. The morning after, he slept in late because he was so exhausted. His heart was racing, he was shaking.’
“I could see the fear in his eyes looking back at me from the mirror the second I approached him.”
‘Bri, the smell is getting worse.’ I open the cabinet under the sink. My dad screams, ‘The house is on fire, we need to get out!’
“All of a sudden, a large cloud of smoke starts creeping in – and fast.”
‘I accidentally wet my pants. Girls at school kept blocking me from the bathroom, saying I would break the mirrors with my ‘ugly dog face.’’
“When I found the note, my heart stopped fluttering and started pounding. My eyes welled up with tears as I read what the note said. ‘Who would want to go with trash like you?’”