“I was at work. One of my customers said, ‘How are you?’ I wanted to be honest. Test the waters on speaking how I really feel. ‘Ya know, I’m not doing too great. I’m dealing with serious depression. I’m not okay right now, I’m struggling.’ He scoffed at me. I replied, ‘I wish it was THAT easy.'”
“Every time I leaned over my toilet and stuck my fingers down my throat, I would tell myself this was just what a disgusting person like me deserved. I was a shell of myself. I was too scared to kill myself. “Please don’t let me wake up.’ On the morning of my grandma’s funeral, I knew I was next.”
“I was particularly comfortable, stretched out in my tempur-pedic dream bed. I was mid-dream when I felt a poke. Startled, I looked up to find my son at my bedside. He leaned in and whispered, ‘Mommy, can I sleep with you?’ I looked at the clock. It was 1:18am. It’s been 700+ nights now, and each and every night he comes to my bedside.”
“I was at lunch with friends when my phone rang. I didn’t pull it out of my coat pocket. Soon, I got this overwhelming feeling to check it. My heart literally stopped. ‘It’s the adoption agency.’ I could barely get the words out. Both my friends yelled, ‘IS IT A BABY?!’ I rushed outside. There was a 2-pound baby born 3 months early. ‘He’s not breathing.’ We were presented a long list of medical issues. ‘Are we ready? Can we even do this?!’ We decided to let fate take over.”
“I went to a party up the street. I somehow made it home, brought a guy with me, and my body became an object. I remember my mom coming down and demanding the guy leave, and as it was happening, the house was getting robbed. I played the victim. I went to work while my family was left to deal with the mess. I had a beautiful baby girl and still, this did not stop me. I was physically taking care of my baby and bathing, feeding, and caring for her. But did I really care? Those words are haunting.”
“I was living two separate lives. ‘Just this one time,’ I told myself as I inhaled my first line of cocaine one month after my best friend’s funeral. I would wake up, do a line. Go to class, do a line in the bathroom. Go home, do a line. Then came the needle. I felt the warm release of the heroin shooting through my veins. My stepdad found me. I couldn’t move, my body instantly got cold. ‘Oh, sweetheart. You don’t look like an addict.’ I lay there for what felt like forever, fading in and out of consciousness.”
“I find myself asking, once again, why bad things happen. When I get to heaven, I have a lot of questions for God. I try to never let people wonder how I feel about them, because what if I don’t get the chance to tell them again? Imagine what a wonderful place this world would be if we all were just born understanding how precious life is.”
“We all experience difficult times in our lives. As much as I would love to push the negativity aside and focus on the positive, that’s not always possible. And I don’t think it’s healthy. True healing does not look like personal development books and good vibes only.”
“I didn’t want to waste any moment I could have with him. It was hard not to notice his body changing, the color leaving, his skin hardening and getting so cold. I often wonder if I made the right decision keeping him with me for so long–but I know I did. Then the time came to hand him over. The nurse kept telling me to take as much time as I needed and I finally had to tell her, ‘If you keep telling me that, I will never leave.’ He gave me the biggest gift of all: he made me a mother.”
“I asked him to get me something from my bag. He said, ‘Ummm why is there a Nerf gun in here?’ Mom hack level 1,000.”
