“My dad found me. I was covered in bruises, rug burns and cuts head to toe. He called 911, immediately searched for those pills and found both bottles were empty. I have no recollection of taking any pills. I woke up to my best friend standing over me. ‘Why are you looking at me like I died? Where am I?’ They were my prescriptions from MY doctor. I wasn’t getting them off the streets, so I couldn’t possibly have a problem.”
“I never planned on writing my story. While I was more fearful of the future than I care to admit, I remember leaving the courthouse the day I filed for divorce feeling like I could breathe for the first time in years. It was the feeling of freedom. For years, I allowed the world to wash over me, resigned to the lies I’d been told about who I was, who I wasn’t, and who I could never be. On the hard days, I have to remind myself to call these thoughts what they are: lies.”
“I was terrified my classmates wouldn’t see my worth. So, I threw rocks, said ‘bad words,’ and acted tough. The worst, though, is that I befriended kids I knew would let me get away with treating them terribly. I took advantage of them and their effortless kindness. I never want to be the cause of pain for anyone. It’s one of the worst things in the world to feel worthless. I know because I’ve been a bully to myself as well.”
“Having breastfed my little one for 18 months in a sleep deprived haze, the day after I stopped, I quickly went back to bad habits. All of a sudden I was ‘allowed’ to drink in excess again. I thought this was what I deserved. It was my time. ‘Wine o’clock’ was always on my mind. When 5 p.m. came, I took that as my cue for freedom. I started to drink myself into a state of numbness.”
“What looked like ash started falling from the sky, followed by a HUGE fireball. I was on the 32nd floor in the stairwell when the second plane hit. The force of the impact threw me up against the wall. Once we got across the street, I stopped, looked up and saw the buildings with huge flaming holes. I swear to you I looked at my friend and said, ‘Do you think we’ll have class tomorrow?’”
“I walked home in a dress, but no underwear. I told my mom and dad I was staying with a friend, and then went into the operating room to have my right fallopian tube removed along with the baby that would never be. I went home the next day and said, ‘I feel like I have the flu’ and went straight to bed. My cry for help didn’t work. Nobody noticed. Nobody asked if I was okay. I knew if I didn’t start fighting for myself, I’d end up dead.”
“My OBGYN came in to check on me while not knowing where her own husband was at Ground Zero. I was in a hospital where they were calling in extra nurses and doctors for the casualties that should be arriving, but never came. Everyone knows where they were on 9/11, but I lived that day in a strange reality.”
“I felt awful, like I had hundreds of other mornings. But this day, something was different. My friend told me a story of my actions. While blacked out, I ran behind the bar where my ex worked. I started hitting him. Something in me snapped. THAT was my breaking point. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I was quiet for a moment, then I said with tears in my eyes, ‘That’s it. I’m done.’”
“This stage of life? It’s hard, you guys.”
“I was at lunch with friends, light on sleep, and full on caffeine. I was already wildly anxious after having a bad breakup, an unexpected job change, and being hit by a car (I mean, seriously?), and then, out of nowhere, I couldn’t breathe. I was so nauseous I was profusely sweating. ‘There’s nothing wrong with you,’ I was told. I was damn close to calling myself a nice little ambulance. I didn’t leave my house for 2 months.”
