“He went down the slide, ran a few feet ahead, turned a corner, and was gone. The only thing in front of him was a lazy river with a strong current. I dove in and couldn’t find him. I wish I could say I was distracted by my phone, or talking to a friend, but my eyes never left his body. And yet, he is fast, and he was gone. Guilt has kept me awake every night since.”
“I dreamt of the day I’d turn in my baby dolls for the real deal. Fast forward 23 years, and here I am. Married to the man of my dreams. Our home is full, but our arms empty. We wanted the big family, sleepless nights, poopy diapers. We wanted it. So, we tried. And tried. After 6 months of negative tests, I knew something was off. They found 2 masses on my ovaries the size of a lemon and a golf ball.”
“Growing up, we watched our mom struggle with her drug addiction. We were many times abandoned, left to fend for ourselves. But as a child, I didn’t see that. I saw a mom that made 4 different meals for dinner, a mom that rubbed our back and sang us ‘Delta Dawn’ when we couldn’t fall asleep. A mom that had no money, but dumpster-dived to find us the exact present we wanted for Christmas. She never was perfect, but she was my mom and I loved her.”
“Growing up, there was this football field behind my house. I’d go there and lie down in the middle of the it, looking up at the sky and begging God to strike me with a lightning bolt. And just change me. Change my body. Every day I did this, and woke up sobbing. I didn’t have a word for how I felt. I knew I was attracted to women. But I also knew I felt like a boy trapped in a girl’s body.”
“‘I’m sending you to the ICU right now,’ the doctor told my parents. ‘I want a second opinion,’ my father replied. ‘Frank, you don’t have time for a second opinion…’ It was like any typical Thursday in my world. I found it odd no one was there when I arrived, but hoped Mom had taken Daddy to the doctor for the headaches he’d been having. The phone rang. I could hear my aunt saying, ‘calm down, you’ve got to be strong for him.’ He had an aneurysm at the base of his brain. It could rupture at any time.”
“Don’t I look fine? My hair is perfectly curled, my makeup is flawless, and I’m cute as a button in my favorite Disney attire. You wouldn’t think anything could be wrong with me. But not all disabilities are visible. I have PTSD from watching my 6-year-old son die right before my eyes in a car accident on our way to Disney World for his 7th birthday.”
“I quickly realized I wasn’t in a drug-induced haze. We then had 7 children inside a 3-bedroom house with 2.5 bathrooms. Showering required a schedule, and toilet usage was always something to fight for. We were cramped, we were on top of each other, BUT we were having a freaking blast! Ya’ll, it gets better. Two weeks later, my husband tells me he wants to quit his job. Sure, Nathan. Let’s adopt of bunch of kids, and use my stay-at-home mom salary to feed them. Genius plan.”
“I was proud of her, but disappointed in myself. I took her to preschool drop-off in her trendy threads, but I packed a change of clothes for afterwards because we have a PTO meeting at our son’s private school this evening.”
“Then that fateful phone call. Oh, how that phone call would change our lives. We were contemplating what empty nesting would look like. And then Amie happened. She had a way of wrapping everyone around her little finger. Quickly, we realized Amie wasn’t like our other babies. She already had two open heart surgeries, and there were more in the future. Amie was feisty, and had a personality as big as the sky.”
“Before she’s had a chance to sleep. Before she’s showered off the blood. ‘When can I come see the baby?’ Her estrogen and progesterone levels are plummeting. She’s shaky. Hot, cold, sweaty, and weak. Her crotch is swollen, puffy. She has stretch marks, hair loss, acne, blurry vision, and dry eyes. When you walk into her house, look at HER. Admire the baby, sure. But don’t forget to nurture the mother.”
