“You don’t understand the burly man in a red suit, the great food, or the little baby sitting in a manger. On Christmas Day, I’ll take pictures in hopes you will one day look at them and remember. That you’ll remember I tried. I pray one day you’ll be able to communicate what you’re feeling. I’ll wait an eternity if it takes that long.”
“She said, ‘I’ve been waiting for you.’ I went to her house every day for 4 months. She made me feel normal and helped me understand my gifts. I realized I am FAR more capable than I’d originally thought.”
“I wasn’t eating anything anymore. All I consumed was 25 cans of Coke Zero a day. I’d sit and wait until the day was over to see if I had lost more weight. I was about to kick my boyfriend out of my life to isolate myself and make more room for anorexia.”
“I told everyone a little one would join our family before Christmas. As we sat around the table, it hit me I might just be wrong. I was standing in the kitchen with my family, saying our goodbyes when I got a text from our agency. Now my heart was beating faster than ever.”
“My 31st birthday came. I kept all the receipts so I could return the gifts and give everyone their money back. No one knew this, but I was going to die in 4 days. I was prepared. I was the calmest I’d felt in years.”
“It hit us like a ton of bricks. Suddenly, everything I envisioned for my child’s life went out the window. Going through life being different from everyone else seemed impossible.”
“We sat in the doctor’s office on Valentine’s Day. ’The surgery wasn’t successful. There’s a .02% chance for genetic children.’ I was desperate at this point. I even contacted the local animal shelter to see if they had any kittens. I was spiraling.”
“I took my first drink when I was about 14 years old. For the first time, I felt okay. I needed more. On my fifteenth birthday, I took my first hit of acid. The probation officer told my parents, ‘She’ll be dead in a few years.’ My bottom was near.”
“What’s the point of having a child if you lose your own identity? I still had so much to offer in my life, but technically ‘nothing’ to show for it. I permitted myself to be me.”
“It felt like my rib cage was being crushed, and as if I had forgotten how to breathe. ‘It sounds like panic attacks.’ When a nurse was there with a box of tissues, I realized it wasn’t going to be the same this time.”
