“I was wearing white jeans. WHITE. Queue the roar of laughter. The jaw drops. The looks of utter disgust. I was mortified. ‘Class is dismissed. Everyone out. NOW.’ He immediately asked if he could give me a hug. I nodded yes through my butt-ugly sobs.”
“I was frustrated. But I held him. I snuggled him in my arms. And that’s when it happened. As I half-smiled, she stopped beside me.”
“And then we met her – this gorgeous strawberry blond young lady with the most beautiful green eyes looking at us from across the table. She had one question for us. Our knees were shaking just getting the news. We were not convinced it would be ‘wonderful’ at all. We were intimidated and scared.”
“Peers I saw on campus or at bars would point out, as if it was the best compliment one could give, how tiny I had suddenly become.”
“Three words. That’s all it took. Three simple words. Everything was happening too fast. I just sat there, staring at the wall, trying not cry. When homecoming came, I had this beautiful red dress. I put on heels, makeup. Then I looked in the mirror and crumbled to the ground. What was I thinking? I looked ridiculous. I looked sick.”
“I resented that box. I wanted nothing to do with that box. It felt all wrong in my hands, but still I couldn’t put it down.”
“About the ball the size of a grapefruit I found in my stomach. The back-to-back pregnancies, two C-sections, the countless hours nursing, and the baby weight that won’t come off. I honestly feel like a deflated balloon most of the time.”
“On the outside, we looked normal. But behind closed doors, dark secrets hid. My younger sister woke up while it was happening. She said, ‘Daddy can you do that to me like you do to Shannon?’ He told her, ‘No it’s only for her.’ I was only in 4th grade and it tore me apart. I still hear and feel him breathing down my neck.”
“That’s when our eyes met. It was like time stopped. It was like the music on the dance floor silenced, and all I could hear was my own heartbeat. I still remember what the room smelled like. I couldn’t look away. I was frozen. This was him. I knew it, and felt it, from my head to my feet.”
“When I was in high school, I started getting sick. I needed my full health history. My parents called my birth mom. ‘Can you get in contact with Hannah’s birth father? We need this information.’ I remember sitting in the kitchen watching my adoptive dad call my birth dad. HOLY CRAP!”
