Dear Moms – I See You On Your Hard Days, Trying To Keep It All Together

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“To all the moms out there,

I see you on your hard days, trying to keep it all together. Trying to be the calm amongst the storm. When you want to break down and cry because as hard as a day it’s been for your children, it’s been hard for you, too.

I know how hard the day has been and how once you get your kids to bed, emotions will take over. LET THEM. If you need to sit on the floor and cry, do it. If you need to let out a scream you’ve held in all day, grab the pillow and scream, momma. You deserve it. Being a mom isn’t easy, and sometimes when the day is done, you are finally left with nothing but the sting of the day. And if you just feel like it’s bubbling over, let it out.

Stay at home mom struggling with the pressures of motherhood screams into a pillow
Courtesy of Ashley Cirka

I see you staring into the freezer, wondering what you should make for dinner tonight, knowing no matter what you make someone will complain or refuse to eat it. That you sometimes feel like all you do, day in and day out, is make meals for people and yet never get a hot one to yourself. Or to sit long enough to have time to finish your own.

Maybe today, don’t worry about what everyone else wants on their plate. What do you want for dinner? What meal is going to make you happy? What comfort meal do you need today to help you through this hard day? You will still get the complaints, and I can’t promise it will be hot when you get it, but it’s for your own sanity. You need to remember that some days it’s okay to focus on yourself too. The things you like and want matter.

Mom looks into the freezer while trying to plan dinner
Courtesy of Ashley Cirka

I see you looking through your closet, trying to find an outfit that just brings you some joy, but instead shoving aside the things you want to wear because you feel like ‘there’s no point because you don’t do anything but take care of the kids anyways.’

Wear the outfit. Who cares if you don’t leave the house or someone is just going to come wipe their snotty nose on you? Just because you don’t have anywhere to go or anything to do doesn’t mean you can’t feel good in an outfit you want to wear. You want to wear sweats and feel comfortable? Awesome, do it. You want to put on a cute outfit and feel like the beautiful woman you are? Do it, girl!

There’s so many days I put something cute on just to be at home changing diapers, arguing with a toddler and trying to break-up wrestle mania from the other two, all while feeling good about how I look because I got dressed for myself and no one and nothing else.

Stay at home mom flips through the clothes in her closet
Courtesy of Ashley Cirka

I hear you just trying your hardest to be heard. To have the kids listen just once today. To feel like you aren’t wasting your breathe or boring you friend when they call you because ‘all you have to talk about’ is mom things, and how your kids are doing, or what you husband did yesterday.

The kids will listen, eventually. Maybe right now, though, they need you to listen to them. Sometimes they act out and don’t listen because they don’t feel like they are being heard. (This is not always the case, however it is worth a shot to try.) Try getting down to their level and find out what’s going on in their little minds. Maybe they had a bad day too and can’t focus on following the rules or listening when they have all these big feelings building up inside them.

Mom snuggles with her daughter and kisses her cheek
Courtesy of Ashley Cirka

As for feeling like you’re boring your friends: Your kids, your partner, your ‘boring life’ IS your life. If they are your friends, they want to hear it. They probably don’t think hearing it is as boring as you’ve convinced yourself. Don’t beat yourself up thinking what you have to say isn’t interesting. Your words are worth more than that.

I am with you. I know some days are hard, and I wish I could tell you how to make them magically go away. Being a parent is hard. And it can make you feel like you’ve lost yourself. You need to take the time to remember, even when you feel like nothing more than a mom, you are so much more.

You deserve to have the things you want, feel the things you need to, dress how you want and feel heard. We dedicate so much of ourselves to being a mom, and forget to come back and check in on ourselves once in while. I know it can feel hard, but remember you matter, too.”

Mom of 4 takes a photo in a black turtleneck with denim overalls
Courtesy of Ashley Cirka

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Ashley Cirka of Canada and originally appeared here. You can follow her journey on InstagramFacebook, her blogTwitter, and PinterestDo you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more from Ashley here:

‘You see it all over social media: ‘HOW TO LOSE YOUR BABY WEIGHT IN TWO WEEKS.’ I’m so tired of it.’: Woman says ‘wear your mom pouch as a label of honor’

‘My home isn’t quiet or as clean as I’d like. There’s always an appointment or task on the to-do list. My husband and I are clearly out numbered.’: Stay-at-home mom chronicles life with 4 kids

10 Things I Wish I Knew During My First Pregnancy

‘My kids are annoying. I love them, but oh man do they get on my nerves.’: Stay-at-home mom hilariously shares parenting confessions

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