“For some reason in the world we live in, as soon as someone finds out a woman is pregnant, it’s as if they are all of a sudden looked at as a whole new entity.
People go from looking at you as helpful and capable to this delicate flower that will crumble from wind. Once you have the baby, again you’re looked at in a new, incapable way. It’s time we finally talk about it.
Pregnancy is right where it all starts. You tell everyone in your life whom would want or needs to know, and all of a sudden people freak out and get upset when you try to do the most basic things. Now there’s certain things you can’t do while pregnant, but people seem to blow this right out of proportion.
Between all the old wives’ tales and assumptions, moms to be are left oftentimes feeling like they’re being looked at as worthless.
People stop you from bringing in your groceries or standing for more when 10 minutes. Saying they don’t want you to get up, they will just do it for you.
Now I’m not saying sometimes these things aren’t nice, wonderful, and thoughtful. What I am saying is sometimes a pregnant woman wants to just be left alone to do things the way she wants, for herself, or to simply not be told to not do something.
Right After Birth
‘Welcome to motherhood, you’ll never sleep again.’
‘Good luck finding time for your hobbies now.’
These are just two of the examples of things people feel they have some right to say to a new mother.
Just because you’re a mom now doesn’t mean you’ll never sleep. Yes, for a while you might be short on sleep, and in the beginning it is very hard to find time for yourself, but these statements are not facts and need to stop being treated as such.
Baby Stage And Onward
Now comes the time when people start to disappear out of your life. It feels like you no longer get invited to things, and it can sometimes feel like you’re the only one putting effort into a friendship.
The question, ‘Hey, we never hangout anymore, want to get together?’
In returned with the sting, ‘Well, I figured since you’re a mom now, you were too busy’ or ‘Well, I figured you couldn’t get a babysitter.’
And to this I have to say these people: Although it may hurt, they maybe aren’t as important in your life as you once thought. Becoming a mom or a parent in general doesn’t mean you no longer have time to have friendship.
Yes, hanging out may look a little different, and there’s a good chance you may not want to or have the ability to do a number of things you once did. However, if those friends can’t adapt and except that life is different now, then don’t waste your time and attention grasping for change, when they have decided already they aren’t willing to.
The friends and relationships that matter will be happy for you, will want to do things with you and your children. They will except the fact you can’t do ‘all the things’ you once could and your responsibilities and priorities are set in different places. Hanging out might look different.
Hobbies, Goals, And Aspirations
Just because you are a mother DOES NOT MEAN you can’t have hobbies, goals, and aspirations. Yes, the road to complete them and the timeline may look completely different from someone who isn’t a parent. But the belief that once you become a mother you have to give those things up is crap.
If you truly want something, you can find time. You can make time, you can work around the schedule of motherhood and figure it out. I mean hey, the world expects moms to have all the answers anyways.
That all to be said, yes it is absolutely hard to find time for yourself and your things when you have kids. Especially when they are little; I know this firsthand.
I spend my free minutes of the day working when I can, and stop at the sound of ‘Hey mommy’ or a baby cry. Even though my goals are important and I will fight tooth and nail to get there, my kids still come first.
But this doesn’t mean I or any other mother can’t work hard and make things happen. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t have hobbies, goals, and aspirations because you’re a mom. If anything that makes us more determined.
Being A Mom
Being a mom doesn’t by any means make you incapable; it shouldn’t count you out or make your opinion, goals, and abilities any less than someone’s who’s not.
You’re a bad ass momma – don’t let them make you feel any other way.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Ashley Cirka of Canada and originally appeared here. You can follow her journey on Instagram, Facebook, her blog, Twitter, and Pinterest. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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