“Before we get into the thick of it. These are simply my own thoughts and feelings. They are not to be assumed for every single mother out there, as we all walk different paths on the journey of motherhood. Do not criticize or invalidate anybody’s thoughts feelings experiences or opinions when it comes to their motherhood/parenting journey.
Anyhow, let’s get on with it.
Confession #1: I don’t care about a good chunk of the things my children want to yammer on about. I will never ever, for as long as I am their mother, let them be aware of this. I will happily pretend to care 100% of the time because I want them to always feel like they can talk to me.
But, I don’t care about a never-ending story involving their toys, and why Batman can’t fight the dinosaurs hiding under the bed. Am I going to listen and ask follow-up questions? Absolutely! I am going to ask all the questions. There’s also part of me that can’t wait for the conversation to be over because Batman fighting Dino’s not my thing. It’s my son’s thing, and I don’t have to care about it. I do however have to pretend to care because I’m his mom and he took the time to tell me.
Honestly, have you ever listened to a kid go on a tangent? It can be painful. It makes no sense, and it doesn’t ever end. So, I will happily turn on my listening ears and participate in the conversation, but I don’t care about it. Which is okay, because one day the conversations that are important will be had because I was there to listen to the ones that weren’t.
Confession #2: Sometimes I lie to my kids. I will also justify it, and no one can tell me otherwise, either.
I will lie and say my food is spicy because I want to eat my meal by myself. I will lie and say the Easter bunny, Santa, and the tooth fairy are real. I will lie and say I don’t know why the annoying toy louder than blow horn doesn’t work anymore. I will lie and say we have no batteries to replace them, either.
If you don’t lie to your kids, good on you. However, I for one will continue to tell a little white lie when I have to.
Confession #3: Sometimes I ignore my kids. Never if there’s a sense of urgency, they sincerely need me, or they’re upset. However, If I’m going to the bathroom and you’ve decided that right now, right this exact moment, is the time you want to talk to me, I am ignoring you. It can wait until I’m done.
If I know they are sitting beside their Dad, and yet still choose to yell for or get up and try to find me when they could have asked him, I will (unless they have found me) ignore them. You have a perfectly good Dad sitting right there. Talk to him, ask him for whatever it is you want.
What part of me being wrist-deep scrubbing the toilet makes you think I’m the person to ask for a snack when you’re literally sitting beside your father?
Confession #4: I don’t baby talk my kids. After about a year or so, I refuse to baby talk to them. Yes, we add the ‘y’ sound at the end of some words still like ‘ducky,’ ‘blanky,’ ‘mommy,’ ‘daddy,’ etc.
However, once they are learning to talk, I personally think it does more harm than good to baby talk to them. In my own experience, my 5- and 6 year-olds are extremely articulate, and even my almost 3-year-old is. We work on the pronunciation of words and using them in the right context.
It drives me absolutely insane when people baby talk to my children. Yes, they are kids and I do not expect them to hold an adult conversation by any means whatsoever. But, I do expect them to be able to speak and try to use the right words and say them correctly if they can (I do love when they say things wrong and it sounds so cute, though).
The things I teach them now and how we are talking to them reflect later in life. I for one want to set them up for greatness. And yes, there are things they don’t say correctly and we just let them slide because they are kids. I can’t expect them to say or use all words properly, but I can teach them. I would also like to stress we do also talk to them age-appropriate, we just don’t baby talk.
Confession #5: I get jealous of my husband for a few reasons. None of which have anything to do with anything other than the way our roles work in our home.
He gets to leave the house 4 days a week for 10 hours a day without any children. Yes, he is going to work, and I do not in any way count it as a break. It sure as hell sounds nice some days to go to a place with adults and no kids. Adult interaction is not something I get often as a stay-at-home mom. So, I get jealous of it on very overwhelming days.
The kids overlook him and come straight for me. Now, sometimes I love it, and other times I wish I could just switch roles. I just want to sit in the bathroom by myself for an unreasonable amount of time and not be bothered like him.
People also seem to take him more seriously than they do me. I don’t know if it’s just the patriarchal society we live in, 0r if it’s because I am a young mother with a lot of kids, and I do understand I do look quite young. However, I have noticed time and time again people seem to take him more seriously as an adult and parent than they do me, or they don’t take me seriously until they see the ring on my finger.
I really find this ridiculous. My age and or my marital status shouldn’t be what determines whether people take me seriously or not. I can be quite envious of the fact people automatically seem to take him seriously.
Confession #6: I think kids are gross, point blank, period. I mean, it’s 6:30 a.m. and I’ve already had to tell my 2-year-old to stop picking her nose. They’re gross.
They don’t mean to be. They try not to be messy and sticky. But they’re little. It happens. We wash their faces and wash their hands, but it’s going to happen. It’s part of life. It doesn’t mean I can’t help but think kids are gross, little, adorable creatures. I was a gross little kid once, too. We all were.
Confession #7: Sometimes, I think my kids are annoying. There, I said it. I love them, I truly do, but some days…oh man, do they get on my nerves. Again, I would never tell them they are annoying. Some days I sure am thinking it, though.
I know, I know; they’re kids. They don’t mean to be, blah, blah, blah. I get it. I also know they don’t stop talking, they argue with each other all the time, they have no concept of personal space, and making loud annoying noises is apparently the funniest thing a person can do.
Does this mean I love them any less or don’t want to be a mother? No. It means I’m human and can be bothered by things other people do even if I don’t say anything or react to it.
Confession #8: I don’t think everything they do is fantastic, amazing, or groundbreaking. Will I tell them that? No…I mean, I will tell them if it will harm themselves, others, or if it’s breaking the rules. Nevertheless, momma is their biggest cheerleader.
‘Heck yeah, this drawing is absolutely the best thing I’ve ever seen,’ ‘Your kicks are higher than heaven,’ and ‘I love to hear your singing. It’s beautiful.’ I am here to make sure no one takes their pride away. To cheer them on when things are tough and they aren’t very sure of themselves.
One day, they are going to do truly amazing things, and I want them to remember mom was there. Cheering them on in every corner, at every moment. They make me proud every single day, and they will always make me proud. Just right now, if I have to play up mediocre things to get them to greatness, I will.
Confession #9: I miss being selfish. I miss being able to wake up when I want. I miss going out shopping and not spending the whole time worrying about what my kids are doing. Or forgetting to shop for me because I’m distracted by cute clothing for my kids.
I wouldn’t give up being a mother for any of those things, but somedays I really do miss being selfish. Is this a bad thing? I honestly have no clue. I mean, as soon as I became a mother, I gave up being selfish. You really don’t understand what it really means to give a part of yourself up until you have a child, because it isn’t until you become a parent when you start looking at those things as selfish.
Confession #10: I know very little of what I’m doing. Now, what the hell do I mean by this? I mean I am constantly learning. Constantly growing as a person and a parent. I learn something new about how to better myself for my children day in and day out.
So yes, I know how to be a mother, and I know how to take care of my kids. I know how to do day-to-day life. I know what works for us. But, just like how I am constantly changing and growing as a person, so are they. Which in turn, means one day the things that work today will change and no longer work, and I’m left having to learn all over again.
There’s absolutely no shame in it. If anything, I feel it makes me a better mother because I know I do not have all the answers. But darn right I am going to learn or find a way to figure it out.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Ashley Cirka of Canada and originally appeared here. You can follow her journey on Instagram, Facebook, her blog, Twitter, and Pinterest. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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