‘I am tired.’: Woman reflects on difficult infertility journey

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“I am tired.

I’m tired of trying so hard for something that may never be.

I’m tired of smiling all the time on the outside when some days I feel so broken on the inside.

I’m tired of feeling like I’m stuck in a place that I can’t get past.

I’m tired of all the doctor’s appointments and medications and procedures.

I’m tired of watching everyone around me live the life I long so desperately for.

I’m tired of all the disappointment and heartbreak.

I’m tired of feeling like I’ve lost all control over my body.

I’m tired of waiting month after month for my time to come, but still being left empty handed.

I’m tired of all the unanswered questions.

I’m tired of it all.

Lately, I have really been struggling when it comes to dealing with my infertility. Recently I’ve just been in a very ‘woe is me’ place, and all I feel is sorry for myself.

Even despite my best efforts, I can’t seem to get past this negative headspace I’ve been in, and I feel so lost where I am at.

I have tried so hard to put on a brave face, but my mental capacity is reaching its limits.

I keep telling myself this is all only temporary, and better days lie ahead…but in this moment, I’m having a very difficult time seeing past right now and towards those promising tomorrows to come.

My body and my mind are exhausted. And I feel like I’m running out of energy to give.

I share this with you all not for sympathy or attention, but because I made a promise to myself to try and be as open and honest with my feelings as I possibly can, no matter what that may look like.

Infertility is unimaginably hard, and you aren’t always going to be okay. It’s okay to admit this load you are carrying is too heavy at times, and it’s okay to be tired of it all…I certainly am right now.”

Woman battling infertility sits on the floor of her bathroom with her head in her hands
Courtesy of Mackenzie Eckinger

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Mackenzie Eckinger of Ohio and originally appeared here. You can follow her journey on Instagram here and here. Submit your own story  hereand be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more from Mackenzie here:

‘It’s been 1,455 days since we first started trying for you.’: Woman battling infertility reflects on rollercoaster journey

Infertility Is Just As Hard For Husbands As It Is For Their Wives

This Empty, Unused Room Was Supposed To Be Your Nursery

I Want To Conceive, But I Don’t Want To Keep Trying

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