‘It’s been 1,455 days since we first started trying for you.’: Woman battling infertility reflects on rollercoaster journey

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“It’s been 1,455 days since we first started trying for you.

4 years, 48 months, 192 weeks of hoping, wishing, and praying endlessly for you…but yet you’re still not here.

This was not at all how I thought this month would go. I was so sure, so positive this time was our time. But instead of two lines looking back at me, I stand here once more staring at only one and an empty window.

We did everything right (and even more than that), and each day seemed to be lining up perfectly. I felt so in tune with my body, and for the first time in a long time I was actually confident in its ability to make this happen.

Even though I knew better than to raise my expectations so high, I couldn’t help but be hopeful. It’s hard to explain it, but something inside of me just refused to believe there was a possibility it still might not happen.

I may be no stranger to this type of disappointment, but that doesn’t make it any easier to cope with. My head is once again filled with questions to which I have absolutely no answers for, and my heart longs for the day to come when this won’t hurt so much anymore.

Right now, in this moment, I feel anything but okay…but I know eventually I’m going to be okay.

I was made to walk this path for a reason.

Maybe it’s because deep down inside of me there is a strength lying that can overcome any obstacle placed before me.

Maybe it’s because God saw something in me so much greater than I’ll ever be able to imagine myself.

Maybe, just maybe, there is a purpose behind my pain. I know one day this heartache will turn into something beautiful, and the story to be told will be even more meaningful.

So yes, this negative test I hold so tightly in my hand may cut me deep now, but I know this won’t last forever. I may not be okay right now, but I will be okay. Someday…”

Woman takes a photo of a negative pregnancy test with "I'll be ok..." written on it
Courtesy of Mackenzie Eckinger

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Mackenzie Eckinger of Ohio and originally appeared here. You can follow her journey on Instagram here and here. Submit your own story  hereand be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more from Mackenzie here:

Infertility Is Just As Hard For Husbands As It Is For Their Wives

This Empty, Unused Room Was Supposed To Be Your Nursery

I’ve Been Pregnant Eight Times, But I Still Don’t Know What It Feels Like To Be Pregnant

To My Future Babies, I Will Continue To Write Our Story

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