I Never Had A Family Home Or Safe Space, But I Always Had My Friends

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“I’ll never know what it is like to grow closer to my mom. I’ll never understand that little girl’s feeling of never wanting to fail her dad.

I didn’t have relative grandparents to give my baby. My family tree has roots in trauma and my no-good genes — addiction.

If you noticed I sometimes have to wonder if someone truly loves me, please know, the ones who should have — couldn’t.

But the ones that DID, couldn’t have loved me better. That has always been enough for me, even in the trauma.

As I crusade my thirties with purpose and intent, I revisit the foundations that made me. Never having realized what was evolving.

One day the ones whom I longed for were no longer my mother, father, biological, or blood.

But rather the people who were not.

The sound of laughter booms when you have heard the grief of time alongside a lifetime with a friend.

Together we have laughed and cried, mended broken hearts, held hands, birthed babies, and grown professionally and personally.

Mom takes selfie with adult friends who have supported and loved her,
Courtesy of Wallflower Writing

Chosen friends know you for the parts of you that the rest of the world could not.

They know my pain. My story. My heart. My most elevated self, and my lowest. They walked me down the aisle when my father could not. They show up every time.

They love my kid the same way they love theirs, and equally, the same way they’ve always loved me.

For exactly who I am.
Not just for who my trauma made me.

Friends are the family you pick. To me, they’ve become nonbiological aunties to my baby, the best unpaid coworkers of my lifetime, and my built-in support team.

The friends I chose and kept loyally choosing, who always unequivocally loved me back.

I never had a family home, never had a tradition. Never a safe space or a vault.

But I always had them, and they were always becoming my family.”

Friends kisses woman on the cheek as she closes her eyes and smiles.
Courtesy of Wallflower Writing

This story was submitted to Love What Matters  by Wallflower Writing at Detroit Moms. You can follow her journey on Instagram and her website. Submit your own story here and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more from Wallflower Writing here:

Please Quit Asking Women When They Plan To Have More Kids

‘I’ve been an absent friend. Piled up unreturned messages, piled up excuses. Sometimes it gets away from me.’: Woman expresses need for self-preservation, gratitude for true friends

‘I hope my daughter remembers all my f-bombs. You don’t hear that a lot, but it’s true.’: Mom shares memories, lessons she hopes her daughter holds onto

‘It doesn’t have to get ugly if you don’t want it to. You have a choice in who you are and how you love yourself.’: Woman shares important lessons in becoming your best self

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