I Want To Tell My Daughters About Motherhood Now, Not When They Become Mothers

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“‘Just wait ’til you’re a mother.’

That’s what they told us.

We can’t blame them.

That’s the wisdom passed on from past generations; generations of women who were taught to grin and bear it, to shove their feelings deep down and carry the weight of the world.

That is not what I’m going to tell my girls.

I’m gonna tell them everything.

The beautiful, the parts that light up my soul, and the days that make me feel like motherhood is the most magical and important experience of my life…

But I will also tell them what no one bothered to mention to us before them.

The deeply lonely days, the loss of self, the mourning of your old life, the never-ending sacrifices, the agonizing over decisions that no longer affect only yourself, the pain of watching your child have a human experience.

I’m going to tell it all because I wish someone had told me.

Would it have changed my decision to bring these amazing souls to this planet? Not at all.

But maybe it wouldn’t have shocked my system so deeply.

Maybe it would change the way we prepare for welcoming our babies into this world.

Instead of adding stuff to a registry we use maybe half of, we would instead be assembling the village we desperately need more.

For thousands of years, women communally shared the burden of motherhood.

If a mother was ill, they helped care for their child, they helped feed the family, knowing she’ll return the favor as part of the village.

Maybe if we told our daughters this before they become moms, instead of telling them ‘wait ’til you’re a mom,’ like some guarded information you only gain access to once you’ve suffered enough, we could rebuild this tribal way of caring for our families.

Motherhood is wonderful, it’s beautiful and amazing…. but it’s also difficult.

The truth is it wasn’t made to be done alone, and so maybe by telling our young girls this information before they become mothers, they can reestablish the village we all talk about needing.

Maybe registries will become filled with doulas, meal trains, and babysitters rather than the latest trendy baby items.

So yes, I’m gonna tell them everything so they won’t have to wait ’til they’re a mother.”

mom holding her daughter close smiling in the sunshine
Courtesy of Rachael Krupski

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Rachael Krupski of Long Island, NY. You can follow her journey on Instagram and her blog. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more from Rachael here:

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