Why Infertility Has Changed Me Forever

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“Some days I look at myself in the mirror and I don’t recognize the person staring back at me.

This person who is filled with anxiety and worry over the future.

This person who has been overcome with so much jealousy as they sit and watch everyone around them live the life they long for.

This person who is angry at the thought of having to continue to wait even longer for their time to come.

This person whose entire life revolves around growing their family.

This person was not always me…but it is who I am now.

Infertility has changed me.

Little by little, it has stolen away bits and pieces of me I don’t know if I’ll ever quite get back, and it has taken the girl I once knew and changed her indefinitely.

The person I was before no longer exists, but instead has slowly become a distant memory.

There are so many days when I wish I could just go back to the time before any of this happened and feel as carefree as I once was, but this time has quickly passed and there is no way to get it back.

The comfort I used to have is gone, and my life is no longer how it used to be. It is completely different in every way possible.

Change is a scary thing. It’s not something you can always prepare yourself for, and sometimes it’s not always by your choice. This certainly wasn’t mine.

So yes, I may stand here and not always recognize that girl looking back at me because she has changed in so many ways, but I know deep down she is still built for greater things than I could ever imagine… and that, that is a beautiful thing.”

Woman, unfocused, stands in the distance with a sign about her infertility journey focused in the center of the image
Courtesy of Mackenzie Eckinger

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Mackenzie Eckinger of Ohio and originally appeared here. You can follow her journey on Instagram here and here. Submit your own story  hereand be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more from Mackenzie here:

I Want To Conceive, But I Don’t Want To Keep Trying

‘It’s been 1,455 days since we first started trying for you.’: Woman battling infertility reflects on rollercoaster journey

Another Month Has Gone By And We Still Aren’t Pregnant

‘I’ve been seeing phrases like, ‘At least it happened early’ or ‘One miscarriage doesn’t compare to multiple’ a lot lately.’: Woman battling infertility urges ‘a loss is a loss and they all matter’

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