‘I’ve been seeing phrases like, ‘At least it happened early’ or ‘One miscarriage doesn’t compare to multiple’ a lot lately.’: Woman battling infertility urges ‘a loss is a loss and they all matter’

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“A loss is a loss, and they all matter.

I’ve been seeing these phrases a lot lately:

‘At least it happened early.’

‘One miscarriage doesn’t compare to multiple.’

‘It was only chemical, so it doesn’t really count.’

‘I only went through one loss so I shouldn’t be that upset, because others have it worse.’

And the list continues on.

I think I can speak for most of us here, in that we all have experienced these responses or even said them ourselves in one way or another at least once or twice. So many times these words come from a place that is not meant to be hurtful, but so many times they come across in a negative light.

For those who have never had to experience the unique pain that comes with miscarriage and pregnancy loss, it can be hard for them to understand the effect their words can have. You know they mean well and usually have the best intentions, but hearing these phrases can make an already open wound cut much deeper. It diminishes the grief that exists by making it feel less important.

It breaks my heart when I see a person who has experienced this type of loss feel like they have to downplay their situation and what they are going through because they think others around them have it worse than they do so they shouldn’t be so upset.

I’ve seen it countless times…they compare their circumstances to everyone else’s and end up feeling like they have to ‘get over it’ instead of being able to mourn like they deserve to because they think they don’t have the right to.

Whether your loss happened at 6 months or 6 weeks, a loss is a loss and they all matter. Each of those precious baby’s lives were a gift. The loss of this deserves to be remembered and the grief has a right to be felt in all it’s entirety.

So, take in everything you are feeling, and don’t forget to give yourself some grace. This journey is rough, and you deserve to take it all in at your own pace no matter what this may look like.”

Coupe battling infertility take a selfie in a parking lot
Courtesy of Mackenzie Eckinger

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Mackenzie Eckinger of Ohio and originally appeared here. You can follow her journey on Instagram here and here. Submit your own story  hereand be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more from Mackenzie here:

I Want To Conceive, But I Don’t Want To Keep Trying

Another Month Has Gone By And We Still Aren’t Pregnant

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