“It’s amazing how many mothers will beat themselves up when they can’t do it all.
But when you ask them what support they have, what village they have… They can’t really define it. Sure, they have friends, sisters and brothers… who are slammed with their own kids and would feel too guilty to ask. Sure, they have their parents, who most likely are still working, or help when they can, or they have none. No parents or no family to rely on and as adults, it’s actually really hard to make friends.
When I was little, I stayed at my grandmothers, or my mom’s friend’s house, or the lady down the street, nowadays, we barely know our neighbors except to wave to each other goodbye as we leave for work. So, we do it alone.
When you bring a new baby home and your spouse goes back to work, you’re all alone and the exhaustion becomes all on you.
When a child wakes up sick, it’s a cancelled day of work and an eye roll from your boss. No one wants to come near you with a snotty nosed kid in fear their family will be the next with the same fate.
When you’re running late, it’s an extra hour at daycare and an extra fee with an apology
Mental health days don’t exist, so motherhood exhaustion and guilt ensues because the TV becomes your help so you can have a minute to gather yourself.
And date nights? What date nights? Who can afford to pay a babysitter, watch a movie and dinner without taking out a mortgage.
So, we make do with what we’ve got, but still worry we have forgotten how to connect.
Times are so different, it isn’t easier, it’s more isolating, it’s something we all face and the burden lays on all of us and one we can’t really share. But we do our best.
So, when you beat yourself up because you’re too tired to make some crafts or cook anything but mac and cheese, when you feel depressed and lonely, think about it, where’s your village? And despite the fact you’re doing it ALL, mostly alone, you’re still doing a brilliant job. You’re still making it work, and you’re trying your damn best… and in this time where you do feel so alone, isn’t it nice to know you’re not?”
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