‘I have deep scars all over. Painful wounds that have completely changed my life. Most are not visible, but they’re there.’: Mom shares embracing emotional scars, ‘I see them as sacred’

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“I have deep scars all over me. I’m covered in painful wounds that have completely changed my life. Most of them are not visible to the eye, but I assure you they are there. Each scar has been left behind one by one from all the painful things I’ve gone through in my life. The loss of my older brother will forever leave a mark on my heart, one that I still feel every day. There are so many invisible scars, and they all hold a significant story, but the one that cuts the deepest is most definitely my Duchenne scar.

Two years ago, I didn’t know what Duchenne was. I wasn’t even familiar with Muscular Dystrophy, but when the diagnosis came, I had no choice but to become a Duchenne parent. Now I could probably write a book about this disease. I have watched it steal so much from my children, and its presence has changed us in more ways than one. The pain of learning two of my children have a degenerative disease has left a scar so wide that it will always be part of me.

Duchenne parents take a selfie together at a hockey game
Courtesy of Christi Cazin

I used to desperately try to hide the scars Duchenne has brought my way. I used to think if I could just figure out a way to ignore the pain, life would be easy again. Now I know the pain was never meant to break me; it was meant to transform me into someone new.

Pain is never meant to harm us. Pain always serves a divine purpose, whether we realize it or not. Suffering is not meant to destroy us; it’s meant to refine us into the people we were always meant to be. It took me a long time to realize, but once I did, I was able to stop fighting the diagnosis, and once I surrendered to a whole new life, things got a little easier.

Without the scars that come with Duchenne, I wouldn’t be who I am today. It’s like Robert Frost once said, ‘Two roads diverged in a wood and I – I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.’ I didn’t plan to take such a long, bumpy, and treacherous road. I never expected my life to follow a path like this, but now that it has, I have no choice but to embrace it. I’ve seen trauma, tears, and sorrow on this path, but I’ve also seen beautiful scenery along the way.

Duchenne parents sit with their two sons with Duchenne's and their daughter
Courtesy of Christi Cazin

Duchenne may take you on a long and painful path, but it comes with a profound perspective. Without the bumps in the road, we wouldn’t cherish the good days like we do now. Without the scars, we wouldn’t feel the joy as deeply, and the laughter wouldn’t sound as heavenly. Without the diagnosis, our life would be easier, but not as meaningful as it is now.

The scars are not something I despise anymore. They have somehow become sacred to me. They are now life-changing reminders of all the love, memories, and moments I will cherish forever.

I have a large and visible scar on my arm from my childhood. I was playing outside, pretending to be an Olympic gymnast when I fell. I scraped my arm on my way down from my makeshift ‘balance beam.’ All these years later, I still have a huge scar on my forearm. The funny thing is, the scar doesn’t remind me of the pain I felt that day. It reminds me of a happy childhood. It brings back memories full of love, imagination, and joy.

I have deep scars all over me, some are visible, and some are not. I used to look at them with fear and resentment, but I don’t anymore. Now I see them as a sacred part of me. I see them as a reminder of my new life. The scars may never heal, but they will always serve a meaningful purpose. They will forever remind me of my divine calling, unfailing faith, and relentless love for my children.”

two boys with Duchenne sit in their wheel chairs dressed in Harry Potter costumes, with their little sister also dressed up
Courtesy of Christi Cazin

This story was submitted to Love What Matters  by Christi Cazin of Mama Needs More Coffee. You can follow her journey on  InstagramFacebook, YouTube, and her website. You can also purchase her book on Amazon. And you can learn more about Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy hereSubmit your own story here and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more from Christi here:

‘How can I be an advocate one day and a sobbing mess the next? The ups and downs were exhausting.’: Mom of boys with rare degenerative disease says ‘it’s OK to not be OK all the time’

‘Like a tsunami we never saw coming, our boys were diagnosed with Duchenne. I didn’t know how to be a ‘regular’ mom anymore.’: Mom shares ‘surrender’ to reality of sons’ rare disease

‘There’s so much I wish others knew. So many incorrect assumptions make life even harder for someone like me.’: Special needs mom clears up biggest misconceptions

‘My faith is solid, but it’s something I fight hard for.’: Mom shares how she remains faithful during ‘life’s roughest storms’

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