‘Our nature walk resulted in my son picking up dog poop thinking it was a rock. Now they’re bowling with empty beer cans in the basement.’: Mom pens hilarious appreciation letter for teachers during quarantine

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“To my kids’ teachers in the fall:

Include whatever you want on your school supply lists. Seriously, anything. It’s completely fair game at this point.

Add the fancy laptop bag. Add the fancy, monogrammed tumbler for your coffee. Add that pretty dress you saw as an ad on your Instagram feed. I’m all for you dressing like a queen next school year. Add the lavish pens that make your handwriting beautiful. Make an Amazon wish list of all the things you want in your home. I will seriously buy you those throw pillows and dishes you’ve been wanting for three years.

You want 100 boxes of Kleenex? I’ll start tracking them down now. You want an endless supply of Clorox wipes? I’ve already pre-ordered them on Amazon. You want hand sanitizer at every desk? Done! Do you want a small bottle of hand sanitizer clipped to each kid’s backpack? You got it! I will literally buy you anything you want. I will even buy you a monthly pedicure and massage, because holy crap, that’s the least you deserve.

How do you do it? I mean, truly?

Being in quarantine with my kids has made me realize a lot of things. While I have loved and adored playing board games, making crafts, baking, and taking bike rides with my children…I am nowhere near capable of teaching them the things you do in school. My kids are awesome to hang-out with. They’re not so easy to instruct. Is that because I’m Mom? Is it easier for someone other than Mom to teach them?

Courtesy of Molly Schultz

I am not cut out for the skills it takes to conduct a classroom. Our classroom for the last two weeks has been one big dumpster fire after another. Well, the first 4 days went lovely. Then the ‘honeymoon phase’ wore off. I realized I couldn’t keep up the facade of holding a 10-month-old baby while trying to read with my six-year-old. I realized my 10-month-old crawling up to scale the whole staircase, while I did math for two different grade levels, was not the best-case-scenario. Our nature walk to gather supplies to build habitats for our animal figurines at home, resulted in my son picking up dog poop, thinking it was a rock. I came to the conclusion, my kids choosing to bowl with empty beer cans in the basement, pretty much sums up this experience for us.

If homeschooling for two weeks has taught me anything, it’s you clearly don’t make enough money. I always ‘knew’ that, but I was never a big advocate for reform. Sister, that has changed! I’ve done a total 360. I will be at the front of the crowd while we storm the state capital this summer, demanding for you to get higher pay. I am on-board with this movement, and I’m so sorry it took a pandemic to get me here.

How do you love other people’s kids so fiercely? I was pretty much done with my own flesh and blood after about 4-ish days of trying to teach them. The patience required to teach a bunch of six-year-olds the difference between hard and soft C’s is unthinkable. I will forever hate the words ‘circle’ and ‘city’ and forever wish they spelled them with S’s from this day forward. Why did the English language do this to us? It’s a cruel joke at this point. Yet, you have to decipher these ridiculously spelled words to a group of tiny humans day in and day out.

Courtesy of Molly Schultz

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve yelled, ‘THAT’S A SIGHT WORD!’ during reading with my children. How do you not yell this every day? Do you get sick of repeating sight words? I’m sick of repeating them. God bless your patient soul. I saw your lists of sight words to go over with them throughout the year, and I put it to the side and thought, ‘We will get to that later.’ I’ll take it way more seriously next year, I swear to you.

I bow down to you. I will buy you anything. A n y t h i n g.

Do you want a vacation? I will buy you a vacation. Where do you want to go? Mexico? The Bahamas? We can go together and get a nice tan while we sit in the sun, venting about real life things. Is that okay if I come? I need a vacation too. Not as much as you, obviously. But I could still use some acceptable day drinking and a good nap by the ocean waves.

Do you want weekly delivered lunch? I’ll give you my Door Dash login and you can order whatever you want. Add a coffee to your order to help you get over that afternoon hump. Add your favorite desert! Treat yourself, girl. I’m here for you to be the best version of yourself!

So all in all, add your favorite alcohol to your school supply list. I won’t even bat an eye if you add whiskey. No seriously, do you want some whiskey? I think I do. I’ll add some gift cards to the local Mexican restaurant. They have fantastic margaritas that would probably hit the spot after a day of teaching my kids and everyone else’s.

Courtesy of Molly Schultz

All jokes aside… THANK YOU! Thank you for being so awesome. I can’t even tell you how much I appreciate you. I always felt like I did before, but this is on a new level. My eyes have been opened to all of the wonderful things you do. My heart has been changed to help you with any and everything you need. I won’t even wait for you to ask. I’ll just keep offering myself until you tell me to shut up. But then I’ll probably offer some more.

Cheers to us both stumbling through this whole distant-learning thing and using humor to get us through.

But really, send me your wish list.

Sincerely,

A mom of 6 trying to save this ship.”

Courtesy of Molly Schultz

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Molly Schultz of Tried and True Mama. You can follow her on InstagramSubmit your own story here and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more from Molly:

‘I’m so sorry. My wife died in a car accident. She wanted to hang out with you guys.’ He had tears in his eyes as he grabbed his daughter’s hand.’: Mom ‘forever changed’ by chance encounter with stranger, ‘You never know what someone is going through’

‘Your kids played hooky from school today? Wow. Mother of the year.’ What? I was laughing out loud in the hotel.’: Mom responds to ‘rude’ person who called her out for taking kids skiing, ‘School can teach a lot of things. But it can’t teach adventure.’

‘Puppa Marvin?’ This man stopped me in my tracks. You’ve been in Heaven 2 years. But it was you.’: Woman shocked by ‘unexpected visit’ from dead grandpa in grocery store, ‘It was you. I felt you.’

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