‘The choice to have a child is personal, and sometimes people don’t have the choice at all.’: Mom of 2 urges ‘let’s normalize NOT asking women when they’re having kids’

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“I love my kids, and wouldn’t trade them for anything…but no more.

The transition from one to two nearly broke me. Between my second bout of PPA combined with PPD this time, having to help my daughter cope with not being the only child, having to learn an entirely new human that had completely different needs and responses than my first child, and having to do all of this with no breaks because I had an older child who needed me when the baby slept…I cannot mentally think about doing it again.

While now I feel like I have my footings once again, the first year ROCKED me. For the majority of it I felt like I was treading water. For much of it I felt like a shell of myself.

I remember looking in the mirror, wondering where I went and when I would find myself again.

While I absolutely love my girls and would do it all again to have them both, my husband and I have felt our family was complete since the day we welcomed our second girl.

I also have no desire to feel the level of anxiety or depression I went through again.

Asking people when they’re gonna have a child or another child is meant to be a kind and curious question, however it is a loaded one.

Always remember you have no idea what someone is going through or has gone through to try to have a child, or what they went through afterwards. The choice to have a child is personal, and sometimes people don’t have the choice at all. So asking that question, while mostly innocent, can be quite triggering.

You never know the journey a person has been on through motherhood.

Do I love my children with all my heart? Absolutely.

But when I’m asked this question constantly, and I answer ‘no,’ trust that I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

No, because I want to continue being the best mother I can be to my girls, and I don’t know if I can handle another round of postpartum.

No, because I have finally found my footings and balance, and I have no desire to rock the foundations I’ve laid for my family.

No, because to my core I feel like our family is exactly as it should be.

Let’s normalize NOT asking this question to women. Everyone’s journey is different.”

Family of four take group photo on the beach in jackets and hats
Courtesy of Rachael Krupski

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Rachael Krupski of Long Island, NY. You can follow her journey on Instagram and her blog. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more from Rachael here:

‘Let them fall in love with Mother Earth now, before they are distracted by numbers, rulers, and grades.’: Mom urges ‘let them be wild’

‘The greatest challenge I’ve faced with gentle parenting isn’t teaching my child how to regulate her emotions – it’s learning to regulate my own.’: Mom reflects on process of reparenting oneself

‘Hey Instagram, please show me more of this – more mess, more clutter, more laundry and dishes. I want to see reality.’: Mom urges ‘life is a little more beautiful when it’s imperfect’

‘It’s hard work! There will be days you scream, yell, threaten and ask, ‘Is this even worth it?’: Mom talks about conscious parenting, ‘Discipline and gentleness can coexist’

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