Amanda Doulos is a digital editor for Love What Matters based in New York City. She will graduate from Binghamton University with a Bachelor of English Literature and Spanish in Spring 2023. She loves staying involved as vice president of the mock trial team and secretary of Spanish Honor Society. In her free time, she loves reading, traveling, and spending time with friends.
“I’ll never forget my husband raising his hands in excitement and shouting, ‘I’m going to be a daddy!’ Never stop praying, never stop believing, never lose hope. Here I am living out my real life happily ever after.”
“I exist somewhere between a past I can’t reconcile with a future I don’t want to face. I see you in the stars and in the daisies that you send our way. Not a second goes by I don’t think of you.”
“I don’t need to be reminded that I’m different. I’m a lot. A lot of love. A lot of grit. A lot of grace. A lot of brave.”
“On a few occasions, I was stopped in my tracks wondering how this is my life. But my life it is, and I plan on living it on my terms. 5 minutes at a time, 1 hour at a time, 1 day at a time.”
“At the dinner table, I asked Gina and Bill if I could call them mom and dad. Mom started crying and said, ‘OF COURSE YOU CAN, we would love nothing more than to be your parents!’ We decided to make it official. I proudly signed my name on the line next to theirs.”
“After a very quiet scan, the tech looked up at us and said, ‘Sorry, that took so long because…there are actually two babies!’ She turned the screen around and sure enough, two tiny little bubbles. It was a beautiful sight, our rainbow twins saying hello to us for the first time.”
“My husband received notice he was being deployed, and I was terrified at the thought of being solely responsible for taking care of my son. I couldn’t take care of him drinking the way I was. The only logical answer in my mind was to get pregnant so I could stay sober.”
“I was terrified the entire pregnancy we would lose her just like we lost Jasmine.”
“Mom doesn’t know who I am and hasn’t in over 3 years. But it’s important for me to lay eyes on her, to create memories. When she passes, all I will have left are memories and pictures.”
“I’d go days without eating, then spend a few days eating and purging everything in sight. Any unplanned food or meals resulted in needing to do an extra workout, self harming, purging, or intentionally making myself sick. It was like someone else was living in my mind dictating my every move and, though I hated following along, I ultimately had no control.”
