Rebecca Balfe is a former editor for Love What Matters. She resides in NYC, owning and rescuing adorable cats. She is an avid Lupus fighter and advocate.

Rebecca Balfe is a former editor for Love What Matters. She resides in NYC, owning and rescuing adorable cats. She is an avid Lupus fighter and advocate.
“At the time, I was living in a tiny Manhattan apartment and working long hours for a big bank.”
“The doctor walked in and bluntly said, ‘Welp, you have a broken back.’ My promising college baseball career was over. My girlfriend broke up with me. The crutches in my life that helped me ignore how unhappy I was with my body were GONE. My moment of clarity didn’t come from a diet fad. It came in a ‘toilet moment’. I was simply disgusted with myself.”
“Inexplicable things started happening. I looked pregnant. Everyone poked fun at me napping every day. I sat in the parking lot of my doctor’s office with yet another pamphlet for painful periods. Every ounce of me wanted to run back and tell him to figure it out! Instead, I put my car in reverse and drove away in tears. Silenced, once again. I was absolutely losing my mind.”
“We have his room all set up for him. We have clothes, toys, a family waiting for him. All the while, others share their highlight reel of adoption and make it look like a breeze. I want to teach him words, love on him, watch him run around the house and yard with his brother and sister. My heart is aching for him to be with us.”
“I walked into her room. REALLY?! ‘Don’t lose your cool.’ I had to remind myself one day we’d laugh at this.”
“Our consultant discussed choosing a sperm donor with us and suggested while looking at our tiny heights we ‘Choose someone tall, let’s give it a chance!’ which really made us laugh. I just want the next 6 months to hurry up so we can hold him or her in our arms and say, ‘We’re your Mommies.'”
“There’s often the misconception my illness is not a big deal and it’s ‘just a skin condition.’ If my illness was as minor as people tend to believe I wouldn’t have lost the ability to walk over the years, or my hands wouldn’t be webbing from years of scarring and friction.”
“I want to watch you grow up. I want to see what you wear on your first day of school, who you fall in love with. I don’t want to miss a moment. If I wake up, I will fight for you every day. If I don’t, please don’t ever doubt the power of my undying, unrelenting, never-ending love for you.”
“I didn’t learn anything was wrong with my son until 2 weeks before I had him. It went from ‘something might be wrong with his foot’ to ‘he is completely incompatible with life’. We waited for the genetic results to come back knowing every hour could be his last. All I could think was, ‘This can’t be his story.’ He’s a warrior.”
“I remember feeling pain, but I was pregnant with twins so I didn’t think too much about it. I could hear nurses laughing in the next room at the sound of another baby’s heartbeat. I sat there, waiting. Then, the nurse came. ‘Your son’s heart stopped.’ I sat in silence. I just wanted to go to sleep, wake up in the morning, and have everything be okay.”