“‘How could you not know!?’ I was holding this huge secret. I had power nobody else could have. When you don’t know which child you’re about to meet, it gives you an unmatched energy and grit to get through the pains. There’s no comparison to the emotion before your baby comes out. Pushing was so much easier when I knew I was about to get the biggest surprise of my life. Waiting drives everyone else INSANE. People get so frustrated you chose to wait.”
“Some say my actions will be frighteningly regrettable. Others say I should be ashamed. Don’t get me wrong, there is a ton of shame. The shame comes when people ask how my family is and I cannot tell them my dark truths. Surely, I’m the only one. So, I keep them inside. Until now.”
“I’ve scrubbed it with several baby wipes and it’s not coming off. I had plans to take them to the beach to play, and now I can’t because my son has writing all over him. Am I over exaggerating? Help.”
“I pulled into a Dunkin Donuts parking lot and tried to call him. His phone was off. When I made it home, nothing was out of place. Except my husband was gone. Large bar tabs appeared on our statements. Girls’ phone numbers came up on our records. The following week, he agreed to meet me at the park. ‘I want a divorce.’ He was cold, emotionless. I refused, which made him angry. I obsessed looking for something that may have led to this. Some sort of sign. He offered no explanation.”
“They were by no means the stereotypical grandparents. There were no homemade cookies waiting for us when we visited or secret treat drawers just for us. Their home was decorated with beautiful works of art not meant to be touched. I thought they were too critical, but now I realize they just wanted me to have the best life possible.”
“I saw all the cop cars pull up. I ran out the door and asked them, ‘Was it her?’ ‘I’m so sorry, Carrie. She was hit and killed instantly.’ My whole world was changed by those words. ‘Nanny! Nanny! Please God no!’ The cops grabbed me because I was falling to the ground. My poor baby, to know you were hit so hard and you were all torn up, all your broken bones. Mom is so sorry. I should have protected you. That was my job.”
“No one else was considered for the job. You were the only one qualified for this child. You won’t enjoy every minute, and that’s okay. You are a sacrificial and serving mom.”
“Being a full-time working mom with young kids is not easy.”
“‘Must be nice to have a husband who helps,’ they tell me. He will never carry the burden that I do. Dad’s babysit (so I’m told every time I leave our children with my husband), while us mothers look after their children.”
“Kyler came home from school today with a bad attitude. He was frustrated and it was reflecting in the way he was talking to me. I was livid at first. ‘Are we just going to have a negative attitude tonight?’ Tears welled up in his eyes. ‘I had to do so many things and I didn’t have enough time. And I couldn’t do everything and my head hurts, and I’m cold…’ I knew it was just one of those days.”
