“I called the doctor. ‘It should be ok, sometimes people spot. Just come in when you’re back.’ The bright red spotting didn’t stop our entire beach trip. We get to the doctors, in the same ultrasound room as our last baby. I stare at the same ugly ceiling, look at the same vagina poster. I yearn for baby to be ok like the babies pictured in the hideous Sears-looking newborn photos on the wall. It was not ok. The words came once again. ‘I’m sorry.’ Silence. Again. 5 times.”
“We should’ve been on our way to pick him weeks ago. But morning after morning when I clicked on the tab in my web browser, I was greeted with the same disappointing message: ‘Pending.’ Until one morning, it changed. ‘I hate to tell you this news. He tested positive for Primary Koch Infection.’ ‘Primary what? What’s that?’ ‘CJ has $%*&-ing tuberculosis,’ I whisper-yelled to my husband.”
“We gathered the willing victims. Each of us could hear our hearts pounding. Each of us felt our pulse with the seconds that ticked by. Each of us gasped a little as she rose up from the ground. Inch by inch by inch, her body rose up and floated, barely being supported by our fingers. My friend and I looked at each other, wide-eyed and surprised, mouthing the words, ‘it-works.’”
“She was perfectly formed. She had long, narrow toes like her Mama, full beautiful lips like her Daddy. It took my breath away. I was in love. But our sweet baby wasn’t there. We held and kissed her 1,000 times. ‘We will miss you every moment of our lives,’ we told her. I could almost hear her coo. We said goodbye to her little body. They carried her away.”
“I met this guy who was a little older than me. He had a daughter the same age as mine, it was too good to be true. ‘This is it, this is the guy who’s going to fix what was broken.’ But I learned very quickly how someone could live two totally separate lives. It was a nightmare. In that moment, I swear I heard it loud and clear. ‘I gave you the person who needed you the most.’ My daughter walked into my bedroom.”
“I’ve seen a lot of ‘don’t feel pressured to do holiday-related things.’ And I call BS on that. Some of you won’t like this message. I get that. But keep your family traditions alive! Maybe they seem mundane to you. Maybe you feel like you can’t get to them this year. Maybe it seems like ‘work’ and ‘why should we even bother.’ But it’s important to your kids.”
“She was physically assaulted with a metal toy that cut her eye. The bully was ‘dealt’ with… it was ‘rambunctious play!’ My shell of a little girl thought this meant no one liked her. She talked about changing schools. My heart broke. It went on for years. She was defeated at 7 years old.”
“We have triplets, a 1 year old, and a 13 year old. People tell me the city is ‘bad’ for children. ‘Children need a backyard.’ ‘They need a safer community.’ ‘The city is too busy for littles one.’ They are WRONG.”
“We got a knock on the door. ‘I’m sorry for your loss, I’m here to take Ren.’ I couldn’t get myself to physically lay Ren in the box. I turned to my husband and asked if he was okay to do it. I saw his heart rip in two. Tears streamed down his face. We tried to take in every detail, remember his newborn smell. We gently took off the cap they gave him. He had tiny little blonde curls.”
“We decided we were done having children, but still had 6 embryos frozen. I created a Facebook profile in hopes of finding a deserving family. I didn’t expect much. Within hours, we had EIGHT families interested. Kate and Seth were put in our path for a reason.”
