“Suddenly, that little person who used to crawl up next to you in bed and cuddle up to watch cartoons becomes this young adult who hugs you in the hallway as they come and go. The chaos and laughter turn to silence. And you’re left hoping you did enough right so that when they spread their wings, they’ll fly.”
“If I was going to do this, I’d become the best damn trach parent that ever lived. The reality is, while our NICU chapter is over, this is far from normal. I can’t take Lily to the store, or anywhere, alone. My husband and I haven’t been alone in 4 months. One of us needs to be awake around the clock to care for her. There is no longer privacy in our home as our ‘special guests’ come in and out all day and night.”
“My husband was distracted by his phone at dinner. I got a little upset. ‘How could he not know how important date nights are to me?’ When we got home, my husband got upset at the growing pile of dishes. ‘I’m sorry, but it’s not a big deal.’ Then, like I’d tried to explain about not having one-on-one attention, he tried to explain why the dishes made him feel not appreciated. For the past 10 years, we’ve been loving each other the wrong way. Loving someone the way you want to be loved doesn’t always work.”
“She promised, ‘I will move closer and you will be seeing a lot more of me, because I finally want to be the mother you deserve.’ Seven years went by before I heard from her again. I have been tested, twisted, and pulled and have learned so much about who I am capable of being.”
“I promised you I’d bring you here. You must have known how much we needed to meet your people and how loved we would be by them in this moment. When the tide comes in, it will wash over Quinn’s drawing and take you out into the sea you loved, in a place you loved. We will always be able to come back here and know that part of you will never leave.”
“A nurse grabbed me, saying, ‘Pray for your son NOW, and pray he makes it.’ She asked me if I needed to leave the room. ‘No, I’m NOT leaving my son.’ Every day I felt like I was dreaming. I don’t know how I was still standing.”
“During our phone conversation I remember him telling me, ‘Mija, I am so proud of you. I knew you would get accepted!’ It’s moments like these when I am happy to share with my parents because I know they are not only my accomplishments, but theirs as well.”
“I kept telling myself, ‘I just spotted, I haven’t bled a lot. There’s no way I’m having a miscarriage.’ I kept denying what the doctors and my gut told me. My coworker hugged me. ‘I’m so sorry and I hope you will be okay,’ she said. I thanked her and left as I no longer wanted to be there in the store crying.”
“I was ignorant about how my life would be reshaped in the days and weeks to follow. Your emotions soar to new heights and dip to new lows. ‘Have we rushed into being parents? Our lives were so easy before our son – now look!’ You don’t know how it will be until you’re ‘in it.”
“‘So, just because he has Down syndrome, you offer termination?’ She became quiet. ‘I will have to talk to the doctor and have her call you.’ Ummm..say what?”
