“I hadn’t laid eyes on him for at least 10 minutes — or had it been 20? Immediately, everything around me swirled and blurred. The only thing in focus was the red flag flapping violently above the lifeguard station. The white-capped waves were deafening. Horrible scenarios flooded my mind.”
“I didn’t care what school I went to as long as I could get away from home. I later dropped out of high school and started working the night shift at a restaurant. Weeks later, my school counselor called. ‘If I work something out with you, would you agree to come back?’ It was my second chance at life.”
“I felt guilty. I felt worthless. I felt shattered. I skipped meals, lost my friends. I blamed myself for everything that happened. Then, one day I woke up and stopped feeling sorry for myself.”
“We sat in a run-down cafe talking for hours. I asked all the burning questions I had inside me since I was a 4-year-old little girl hoping and praying she could hear me. Here, she couldn’t ignore me.”
“In my heart, I am supposed to be blonde. I wear fake lashes. I own roughly 47 different shades of lipstick, so clearly, I care about the way I look. But here’s the thing. Nobody is going to stand up at the front of the church at your funeral and talk about your looks.”
“We assumed his game of beach volleyball with our son wore him out, and he was tired and laid down for a quick rest. Little did we know those moments after his shower, he lay on the bathroom floor of our rental house; alone.”
“In the middle of those sleepless nights of waiting, worry, and prayer, I became increasingly curious about my family history. Little did I know the role it would play in my life when my son finally received a diagnosis.”
“My daughter called me from a store parking lot crying. She’d gone to the toy aisle and picked a Barbie. As she walked through the door, the security alarm went off. She was scared and didn’t know what to do. The security person came up to her abruptly and demanded a receipt. Her mind went blank. I watched videos online about a ‘special needs girl getting handcuffed’ at Walmart.”
“There’s guilt. Pressure. Unrealistic expectations. How many times have you lain awake going through the to-do list of tomorrow while thinking about everything you didn’t accomplish today? All of the ‘should haves’ replaying in your mind. How are we ever going to get ahead when we are stuck in the guilt of yesterday?”
“I wanted to take his hand and say, ‘It’s okay…I forgive you. I know you didn’t mean for this to happen. But it did. And it’s okay. We’re okay,’ but I never did.”
