“I have a facial difference that I cover daily. I haven’t had the courage to show my facial difference. Why? Because the town I live in now, well, most of them have no idea it’s even there. I’m worried I’ll be dubbed ‘the girl with the birthmark,’ like I have so many times before.”
“At first, I saw just a blob on the screen. I didn’t think much of it until the ultrasound tech zoomed in. I saw arms, legs, eyes, fingers…this was a real freaking baby in me! I didn’t know whether to cry or laugh, be happy or sad. I never felt a connection to this thing inside of me until I saw it. As time went by, I was counting down the days until I could meet my son. He was the only thing that kept me going.”
“I was sitting in my room doing homework. His ex-girlfriend called. He was caught red handed. He drove to my house with flowers and sobbed. ‘I’m so sorry. I’m just so insecure because you’re so out of my league – I got nervous and cheated.’ I was so angry. My relationship was destroying my family. Nevertheless, I went to Disney with him anyway. I stood in the middle of Magic Kingdom crying, alone and terrified.”
“I felt disgusted with myself. Why couldn’t I just put the pump down? I knew this decision would allow me more time to hold my baby, yet I was still holding on to this expectation of myself. I didn’t want to be strapped to a machine that was yielding no results…. Yet here I was.”
“We stood in astonishment. Prior to this, he’d only known how to say one word: ‘Dog.’ My wife and I leaned in to tell him we loved him. He looked up again and said, ‘I love you.’ We held his little hand, his little frail body in my arms, and begged him to visit us. I asked him to watch over his siblings. We put him in the black Suburban, and watched them drive away.”
“This is what they will always be to you. But dang it if I don’t want to go back to that time when he looked up at his big sister, and was so proud. This year I’ll send that murderous clown out into the neighborhood hoping he’s polite and that people can see past his horrific costume.”
“‘You can be a Mom. You don’t need a husband.’ I couldn’t ignore how her words resonated with the deepest part of my heart. ‘Can I really do this?’ I asked the nurse, ‘is everything okay?’ She shook her head and said, ‘no.’ I was disoriented. ‘What are you saying?’ This pulled a strength out of me I never knew I had.”
“‘Hey Girl, what you up to?’ ‘That’s my cousin, I’ll introduce ya.’ She motioned him over. Jasper winked and walked back to the car. ‘Girl he is waaaay too old for you,’ she cautioned. ‘Age ain’t nothing but a number. I like the way he looks.’ I was smitten.”
“I’m battling Susan at Aldi because she has 4 items less than me and wants to go in front. It’s having eggplants thrown at me fast and hard by an angry check out assistant. If I make it too yellow will my 5-year-old have a hernia because it looks like it’s been touched by a vegetable?”
“I find myself angry. Angry I am here asking a search engine stupid, little questions almost every one else in my life gets to talk to their mom about. I never realized how many things I would still need to ask, until the option wasn’t there anymore. The worst part? Every time, the grief hits me hard all over again.”
