“They have a beautiful relationship even though they never met in this life. There have been times when we drive past the cemetery, and without any prompting she waves and says, ‘Hi Sissy,’ then tells me her Sissy is in that cemetery. Their relationship goes deeper than I even know. It’s something more. I mean, obviously. She was seeing babies in the cemetery when she was too young to have any understanding about where we were or why.”
“When I was about 23, I got my robot leg. I did wear dresses but I didn’t like to wear anything too tight on my butt because you can see the edge of the prosthetic. I hated it. I was so ashamed of showing that part of my body. The shamefulness slowly disappeared, this summer when I lost my husband in a motorcycle accident.”
“I’m often asked the same question. ‘What was your reaction to the news?!’If you really really want to know, I was ecstatic. I knew I had cancer. Something lit up in me like a light bulb. A vision of me on my death bed. I remember a tear dropping in remembrance of my mother. The joy of knowing that after losing her at age 14, I could finally meet her again. There I stood, 25, receiving the best news of my life, standing in a bus, in pain, weak.”
“Let’s just say, passion wasn’t an issue in our relationship. We were headed to the movies and had a conversation that I might be pregnant. He asked me to take a pregnancy test in the movie theater restroom. I just swung my arms in a rocking cradle motion as I walked towards them. My family started asking if we were done. My mom even told me I needed to make John an appointment for a vasectomy. Funny story.”
“She could see I was avoiding eye contact. She showed up to my house, took my baby. I stood there, staring at her and my baby. Like, ‘What do I do now?’ She looked at me and said, ‘We are fine! GO TAKE A SHOWER. I know what I’m doing!’ Sometimes the kind of love I need is this.”
“‘My entire adult life, I’ve been a father. Now I am not sure who I am without them,’ my husband said, sitting across from me at the restaurant. I wasn’t ready for this. I failed to anticipate this. ‘Slow down. You are fast-forwarding,’ you might say. And you would be right. I need to slow down.”
“In our home, we’re currently raising a 17 year old, 14 year old, 7 year old, and 5 year old. For the greater part of my time as a parent, I’ve been parenting children at nearly every possible stage of development, emotionally and physically. It’s confusing, gut-wrenching, and beautiful. All at once. All the time. Every day. It’s knowing I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world, while also wondering if I’m getting any of it right.”
“‘It doesn’t look good. I’m sorry.’ Her words echoed through my head, but I dared not let them sink in. Instead I collapsed against the waiting room wall. She had been healthy my entire life. She never smoked a cigarette. She didn’t drink alcohol. When the surgeon exited those double doors, removed her mask and looked at me, I could see it all over her face. My mother didn’t make it through.”
“We don’t know who was in this photo, their tiny features are far too difficult to differentiate at less than an hour old. Just moments after my husband took this picture, our two babies were rushed up to the NICU. We never had that picture-perfect moment in the delivery room, the one where a smiling family shows off their precious newborn. Instead, this is our photo.”
“I hear you complain to daddy you have ‘huge bags’ under your eyes. I assume it’s because you’re tired. You were up with me again all last night. I really love the way you cuddle me in the middle of the night while the rest of the world is quiet. You make me feel so safe. You may not love the sleepless nights, Mama, but I do.”
