“I instantly felt guilt seep in as I recalled telling my husband he had ‘nothing to worry about.’ After all, I was the one with the fertility issues. Others put their foot in our mouths with unwanted advice: ‘Just relax.’ ‘There’s no rush.’ I sat on the toilet lid, uncovered my test. I felt a flood of confusion wash over me. ‘Call the clinic!’ I broke down to my husband. I was at my wits end.”
“One year, I made a wish list of a few things I wanted, one of which I never received for Christmas. I didn’t ask about it though, because that’s ungrateful. But my mom brought it up. After all the hullabaloo was over, she came over and hugged me.”
“‘I need you to go take this test to make sure. If you are pregnant, we can’t do the x-rays.’ I thought this was crazy, went into the bathroom, and pee’d on the stick. She grabbed it, looked at me, and called for another lady to come look. The other lady looked at me. ‘Yeah, we aren’t doing the appointment.’ I walked out, called my boyfriend and told him they wouldn’t finish my appointment. He was confused.”
“I want to raise good people, not perfect ones. I’m certainly not perfect so why should I expect my children to be? I use my own mistakes as an example for them. I apologize when I speak harshly and tell them even moms mess up. I want them to know if you are working on yourself and always trying to learn from the mistakes you make, that’s all that truly matters.”
“What if I don’t want to be a mom? What happens next? Is it time to let my husband go? My entire adult life I’ve gone back and forth about whether I want children.”
“At 24, I’d been married to Peter less than a year. ‘Are you alright?’ I must’ve looked flush. My knees gave out. As I stepped toward the waiting room, time slowed to a crawl. Heaving sobs came next. ‘Oh honey,’ she whispered. ‘I am so sorry.’”
“I see you making sacrifices for me and for our future family. I see you being so open to ‘alternative methods’ so we can get our happily ever after. I see you being open to anything and letting me decide what we should do with my body. I see you willing to make changes to our path in life. I see you.”
“I never, ever said explicitly mean things to anyone’s face. I only said it because I felt sorry for you! You know the kind – those Gretchen Weiner-type girls who feigned shock when one of their friends said something hurtful, but then giggled about it anyway.”
“The night my mother-in-law passed away, everyone was a mess. Emotional, tired and grieving that she had been suffering so long. Even after being a nurse for 15 years, I wasn’t prepared for how it would feel to be the family member in the nursing role. On the way home, I wasn’t ok.”
“This is when I discovered my calling was to be a coach for women who have experienced trauma. Women who don’t believe in themselves and don’t think they are deserving of the happiness they desperately desire. I want people to know they aren’t alone, they can put themselves back together after being broken, and their biggest pain can actually be their biggest strength. Everyone is deserving of the life they dream for themselves.”
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