I Made It Through The Holidays Without My Mom This Year, But Mother’s Day Is Bringing Up A Whole New Whirl Of Emotions

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“I lost my mom six months ago.

I’ve had good days since, and I’ve had really, really bad days.

I’ve screamed, I’ve cried, I’ve smiled, I’ve laughed – but not a day has gone by where I haven’t thought about her.

I made it through Halloween without her, though it wasn’t easy as we lost her just a few days prior.

I made it through Thanksgiving without her, though her empty seat at the dining table was a tough sight to see, and it wasn’t the same without her potato casserole (I couldn’t bring myself to make it without her).

I made it through my brother’s birthday, though it was an emotional day for us both.

I made it through Christmas, though it brought a whirlwind of emotions. My mom loved Christmas, and some of my fondest childhood memories are decorating the house with her the day after Thanksgiving, belting those same Christmas tunes over and over. Even as an adult, she still made me a stocking every year.

Family take group photo while wearing Christmas-themed clothes on Christmas day
Courtesy of Devon Ledbetter

I made it through Valentine’s Day without her, though it was tough without her goofy cards and sweet gifts. Even as an adult, she still got me a box of chocolates.

I made it through Easter without her, though it was weird to not spend the day together. Even as an adult, she still made me an Easter basket (I’m a sucker for hollow chocolate bunnies).

Now, with Mother’s Day approaching, it’s bringing up a whole new whirl of emotions.

Every holiday was about us kids. She did everything she could to make sure we felt special on those days, even when it meant sacrificing things for herself.

And though we did little things for her here and there throughout the year, Mother’s Day and her birthday were the only two days guaranteed to be about her.

Woman in plaid shirt holds up slice of cake with "Happy birthday" written on the plate in chocolate sauce
Courtesy of Devon Ledbetter

Whether it was making her breakfast in bed, babysitting my little brother, baking her something sweet, going to the Mother’s Day banquet at my grandma’s church, or taking her out for a meal, it was always time dedicated to showing her how much she meant to us.

And it is so much harder not having her here to celebrate.

I know she would want me to find the joy in the day.

I know she would want me to celebrate the other amazing women I have as role models in my life.

I know she would want me to still do something small for her in my own way.

I know, just like all the other holidays, I will make it through. But unexpectedly, I think this has been the toughest one yet.”

Three generations of women take a photo together at a Mother's Day church banquet
Courtesy of Devon Ledbetter

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Devon Ledbetter of Florida. You can follow her journey on Instagram. Submit your own story here and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more from Devon here:

‘Today, I made coffee that tasted exactly like my mom’s.’: Motherless daughter reflects on cherished memories, ‘The little things mean the most’

Dear Moms With A Fangirl Daughter – Please Support Them

My Mom Sends Me Winks From Heaven In The Form Of Ladybugs

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