I Am Not A Fun Mom—And That’s Okay

“I’m not a fun mom.

A good one, for sure, but I’m not the mom who enjoys playing hours upon hours with her kids, being publicly silly together, or acting spontaneous and breaking should-it-really-even-be-a-rule rules.

I like rules.
I like structure.
I like good behavior.

And, so, when I’m faced with a lack of any of those three, it makes me incredibly anxious.

‘Cause here I am, an average, non-superhero human who has been entrusted with raising well and keeping safe and healthy three pint-sized humans of my own and, well, that’s serious business.

Serious business that I take seriously, perhaps too seriously?

My admitted problem is this:

I worry so much about bringing up respectful, manner-bearing, well-rounded children, that often, my being laser-focused on that, encourages the opposite.

Kids will show respect when they feel respected, and they feel respected when they feel heard. But when their mama longs to listen to the sound of her own voice more than that of children, heard is what they do not feel.

A well-rounded child isn’t a five-star child robot. A well-rounded kiddo has a mind of their own, the free will and confidence to exercise it, and they’re not going to let anyone, not even their loving mama, restrict that.

And manners, well, they are necessary for sure.

Impressive and so appreciated when they are exercised unconditionally.

But, expecting a child twenty to thirty years your junior to be excessively polite in any and all situations when you as an adult can’t even manage that is just crazy talk.

I’m not a fun mom, but I’m a mom who wants nothing more for her kids than for them to grow up seeking and appreciated joy while making sure their self-satisfying and soul-fulfilling behaviors don’t steal any peace or happiness from others.

So, here’s what I’m gonna focus on:

Loosening how tightly I’m wound,

making sure I’m not walking around with a stick up my biscuit or a snarl on my face,

and zooming in on and holding firm to the belief that the ‘best’ mamas out there aren’t worried that the world and its general public will define them as such, just that their children will.

I’m not a fun mom, but a mom who wants her children to value it, and so I’ve got to as well.”

Mom and daughter share sweet moment while out at a restaurant
Courtesy of Nicole Merritt

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Nicole Merritt of Jthreenme. You can follow her on Facebook, her website, or podcast. Get her new book, Musings for Mom, hereSubmit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more from Nicole here:

‘To all the men with daughters, you need to love your WIFE as you want your DAUGHTER to be loved.’

‘My 7-year-old daughter asked me to snuggle. ‘I can’t. Someone has to clean up dinner, and APPARENTLY that someone is me,’ I told her, quite matter of factly.’

‘We are forgetting about our boys and that’s not OK.’

‘My daughter is my best friend, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.’

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