I Have A Little Girl Who Is Not Mine (Inside My Life As A Surrogate)

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“One of the coolest but hardest things I’ve ever done in my life is be an egg donor. Not just any kind of egg donor, a donor to my good friend. Then, it was a little GIRL who I see all the time. The best part? I don’t regret it at all and would do it all over again.

Hi! I’m Tia Stokes. A mother to four boys and a wife to my Andy. We recently just moved to Orem, Utah from our home in St. George, Utah. In my busy and happy life, I do everything I can given the limited hours In the day; I’m grateful for my blessed life. I own a dance studio called The Vault, direct a dance team called ‘Kalamity’ and then I’m going to football practices and games to support my husband.

In 2012 I met my friend Chelsea for the first time because she attended my adult hip hop classes. She ended up trying out and being a part of the adult dance company ‘Kalamity’ that I was directing. We danced together, and our friendship grew more as we started working out together during hot mess mornings.

Cambria Hauck Photography

Then came 2015… I knew Chelsea had been trying for several years to get pregnant, and I was always trying to keep her spirits up and help her stay positive. She eventually tried IVF with her own eggs like most people do and learned that her egg supply was low and poor quality. That round of IVF failed, and I could tell she felt defeated. Her doctor suggested she get an egg donor or proceed to adopt. She was told if she had an egg donor her chances of pregnancy would be A LOT HIGHER.

One day at a dance rehearsal my sister jokingly volunteered me and we all laughed it off…well later that day I called Chelsea and told her I really would be the donor if she wanted but that her baby would be brown? Lots of prayer and discussion with Steven followed (her husband and Andy my husband). Off I went to start the IVF process for Chelsea’s family. I signed paperwork. I knew that my friend wanted to be a Mom, and this was a chance to help.

I got to experience the whole birth process. Pills, shots, Dr. visits, swollen ovaries, crazy mood swings, the egg retrieval, cramping,  postpartum, feelings of doubt, what did I do, did I do the right thing?

Cambria Hauck Photography
Cambria Hauck Photography

I mean, I am human. I just knew that my friend wanted to be a Mom, and this was a chance to help.

And then, it worked! Chelsea was pregnant in August and would be a mother. I actually was the very first person to know the gender besides the ultrasound technician. I kind of felt like it would be a girl, and I was right! It was just Chelsea and I in the room. Her husband Steve couldn’t be there. Chelsea laid on the table all clueless and when I found out I got emotional. I was supposed to keep it a secret so that Chelsea could find out later with Steve. I ended up creating a scavenger hunt for Chelsea and her husband to find out the gender. I was so excited for them.

Cambria Hauck Photography

Yes, Chelsea has a girl and I have all boys. This is no secret and no surprise. I’m a boy mom and I absolutely love it! After Chelsea had Giselle, I got pregnant again with my 4th boy, Tazz. It’s so fun to watch my boys interact with Giselle. She may or may not ever have brothers, so we let them play together sometimes and have that bond.

Courtesy Tia Stokes

How do I feel about the fact that Gigi looks a lot like me? I will be real about this.

YES -it’s weird seeing a little girl that looks exactly like me but is not mine but honestly pretty cool.

Have there been a few moments where I questioned my boy mom life? Sure. I’m human.

Courtesy Tia Stokes

YES – it’s a little heart wrenching thinking ‘is that what my little girl would look like if I had a girl?!’

However, my boys love little G; they treat her like a little sister. They totally get it!

Some people ask me if I got paid. I didn’t get paid. This is something I just offered to a friend as a gift.

Have I ever wished Gigi was my daughter? NO- I don’t wish she was mine…not to sound insensitive but she isn’t mine. I’ve had to learn to take myself out emotionally and love her as my friend’s daughter!

Courtesy Tia Stokes

YES- Chelsea and I’s relationship has been through a few rough times just adjusting and finding where we fit in and how but honestly, it’s just made us stronger friends and our love for each-other is unconditional!

Courtesy Tia Stokes

To all those who have thought about being an egg donor for a friend. I’m not going to sit here and say it’s easy but like everything else that’s hard it’s so worth it. Watching Chelsea be a Mom to G and being with her family brings so much joy to me. Watching little G grow up and knowing I had a part in this little girl’s chance to have a body puts a smile on my face. I love watching my boys interact and understand the process and know that she is their little sister in a different way and love her unconditionally! I’m excited to watch her grow up! She will always have a special place in my heart.

Cambria Hauck Photography

THANK YOU CHELSEA Judd for googling my dance studio 6 years ago, coming to adult Hip-hop, joining Hotmess, dancing on Kalamity, being an amazing instructor at The Vault and then letting me have this amazing opportunity to be a part of bringing this little Giselle into this world who who has a piece of my heart but is not mine.”

Cambria Hauck Photography

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Tia Stokes, of Orem, Utah. Subscribe to our free email newsletter, Living Better—your ultimate guide for actionable insights, evidence backed advice, and captivating personal stories, propelling you forward to living a more fulfilling life.

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