‘I turned thirty years old. ‘I wanna talk to you about something. You know I want to be pregnant and have a family?’ I am getting a sperm donor’: Mom to-be journals her IUI journey during COVID

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“Being a mom has always been my dream for many years now, I always wanted to have a family by the time I turned thirty years old. So, in June of 2020, I made the decision to start the process of finding a sperm donor so I would be able to make my dream become a reality.  I am looking forward to becoming a mom, and yes, I know that some days will be more challenging than others, and it will be me and my baby taking on the world together. So, here is to the start of making this little human one step at a time.

Courtesy of Nicole Mitchan

After making the decision to start trying for a baby, I knew I had to tell my friends and family, so I sent this message to a handful of friends who are my emotional support and are always there for me. Mind you, I was just so excited to tell them I had made this decision, I didn’t even know all of the details and such, but I sent them this message, ‘So, I wanna talk to you about something.  You know I want to be pregnant and that having a family is so important to me right? I think I am going to start filling out forms and doing a sperm donor. Yeah, I know it’s like super expensive and everything, and it may take a lot of work to even get pregnant and it might not happen the first or second time, but I am going to start saving extra and by October I wanna get my first round of sperm donor eggs and start trying.  I hope that you will support  me in this and if I end up pregnant sometime, I hope you will always be there for me.’

Courtesy of Nicole Mitchan
Courtesy of Nicole Mitchan

Most of their responses were very positive and they are so excited to go on this journey with me. Some of their responses were, ‘You’re going to be a great mom, I am so excited for you,’ ‘I will support you along the way, this is very exciting news.’ My friends were definitely more accepting of the choice I was making. But when I told my family, I was flooded with tons of questions and statements that almost made me think I was not worthy to be a mom. Some things that were stated are as follows,  ‘Single parenting is hard, are you sure you can afford it,’ ‘You know you will be on your own,’ ‘Kids are expensive,’ ‘Don’t you want to wait for the right guy?’ ‘Why don’t you adopt?’ It went on and on.  All of there comments really broke me down, and I almost decided that this was not for me.  Then I looked at myself and said, ‘I will be a great mom. I will love my child to the end of the earth, and if someone does not approve of the choice that I have made it’s their loss.’  I went ahead with my plans to find a place to find my sperm donor eggs.

After looking at multiple sites and places, I found CRYOS located in Florida I would get my donor sperm from.  I went in knowing that this would not be a cheap process, and I have been saving every penny I have so I will be able to buy additional straws and place them into a reserve so I will have the opportunity to try with the donor I have chosen more than once.  People have asked me multiple times, ‘Isn’t it expensive?’ Yes, it is, but the chance to be a parent trumps that fact, and I made a few changes in savings and spending to help save additional money to place towards becoming a mom.

The process of picking the right person was more challenging than I thought, but I narrowed down seventeen donors to my top four.  You wanna talk stressful, looking at seventeen people’s backgrounds, medical history, and reading their profiles to find the perfect match was a lot of agony.  Luckily, I had the help of my friends, and we read through and eliminated until they helped me find the perfect one.  On July 17, 2020, I placed the order, ordering three straws, and I was even going to start the process early and try early August.  I was so excited and nervous about getting ahead that little did I know my body was going to throw me for a curveball.

Courtesy of Nicole Mitchan

With the straws ordered and everything processed and the arrival date August 3, my body decided for the first time in ages to have an extremely late period.  I cried. I was so emotional, I was like this can’t honestly be happening to me right now, everything is ready to go.  I had to place my order in a reserve hold and wait.  Each day that went by was emotionally hard, I felt I had failed my body and nothing was going right.

Through this experience, I did decide to keep a journal and document important happening and milestones in this journey when my period didn’t come this is what I wrote, ‘Well, I pretty much failed, no period. I am so late I will have to call tomorrow and see if I can place my order on hold because my body decided to hate me.  Mother failing already. They tell you not to stress and it’s fine. Well, they forget that sometimes something so small gives you hope, and when that is taken away, life kinda crumbles and finding out there could possibly be another pregnancy within the family and it’s not me, well life kinda sucks.  I apparently am a failure. I want you so much but my body decided to be difficult.  With hope gone this month, fingers crossed that everything for the following months goes well.’

Courtesy of Nicole Mitchan

I did eventually get my period extremely late, but now everything is back on track and I will be trying my first at home insemination within the coming week.  I am excited to start trying and create a family, but I am also trying not to get my hopes up.  Getting pregnant is hard, and at-home insemination can be even more challenging, but I am hopeful it will happen.  I have a lot of people saying that it’s going to happen right away, I would love that, but I know my percentage does go down doing at-home insemination.  I am staying positive and relaxed as much as I can be, but I am just so excited I get to start trying.

Courtesy of Nicole Mitchan

When I decided to start this process, I knew right away I wanted to have an at-home birth as well.  I began looking for a midwife, I wrote to her to make sure that she would be willing to work with me and I would fit within their work area. The midwife responded, ‘I absolutely welcome you as a client, and I am excited for you as you navigate this journey.  If you are conceiving via IUI, there aren’t really any elevated risk factors associated. I would advise thinking at this point — and you’ve probably already been doing this — is getting on a good quality prenatal vitamin.  Feel free to give me a call, and we can set up a consultation.’

I called, and I have found someone I would like to deliver my child when the time comes.  This also brings up the question if you really want to have a baby during COVID.  Well, the timing for me is now, I am ready for a family, this may create some additional challenges, but nothing I am overly concerned about right now. I am taking care of my body and staying healthy, and that’s what my main focus is. I am not changing my plans due to this.

Courtesy of Nicole Mitchan

This process has brought so many emotional challenges, some bringing joy, others stress, and even tears, but I remember why I decided to do this. I want to bring a child into this world for me to love and cherish all of my days.  I look at other people who are pregnant, and I hope I will get to be in their shoes soon, carrying a baby, planning, and getting ready to hold it for the first time.  Being a mom and watching your child grow, I have been told is an overwhelming journey of love, joy, and happiness, and I am looking forward to taking this journey even if it is in a bit of a different way.”

Courtesy of Nicole Mitchan

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Nicole Mitchan. You can follow her journey on Instagram. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

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