‘This is an end-of-my-rope, shouting from my darkest, most cob-webby places, cry for help. I can’t do it anymore.’: Mom says ‘refuse to feel guilty for having basic human needs’

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“Sometimes I just need a day.

I could blame the pandemic or the incessant life or death decision-making of the last few months.

I could brush it off as my anxiety or my full plate of homeschooling, work, and grad school.

I could dismiss this feeling as overwhelmed and over stressed, underappreciated and misunderstood.

But, friends, the truth is, sometimes I just need a day.

Not five minutes before my kids wake up.

Not enough time to shower.

Not only a hot meal.

Not just any other daily activity we’ve somehow shifted to the ‘self-care’ category of motherhood–the ones we celebrate when men (I love you dads, but I speak truth) are expected to have hot coffee, meals, and showers daily, but moms should somehow be grateful for these ‘luxuries.’

Sister, I can’t keep going on the gratefulness of one hot mug of coffee in the morning.

I can’t continue to be thankful if I manage to shower more than twice a week.

I absolutely can no longer move forward when my time working from home is counted as my ‘down time,’ just because my kids aren’t beside me (not withstanding the eleventy interruptions I get for snacks, drinks, or to ‘watch this’).

Friends, this is a painful truth, a call for help, a wide-eyed, end-of-my-rope, shouting from my darkest and most cob-webby places. I can’t do it anymore.

And, I expect you can’t either.

Because I know you struggle, too.

I see you with your mom bun and three-day dry shampoo, aimlessly wandering the aisles of the grocery you got excited to go to, JUST so you could get a break for an hour. And, I can see the exhaustion behind your mask.

I notice you because I AM you.

My husband is loving, thoughtful, and generous. He is a caring dad and a hard worker.

But, here’s the thing…

If I’m telling you the truth, I need to tell you the WHOLE truth.

Part of this is my fault.

See, I am a fixer. I’m a nurturer, a doer, a striver, a manager of all the things.

My plate isn’t full because others loaded it up, friend. I did that. I heaped on the meetings, the projects, the responsibilities.

I said yes and okay and reluctantly agreed to take on things that didn’t make me happy. And now, here we are tired, worn out, and exhausted beyond recognition.

So, I need a day.

Courtesy of Brynn

Yesterday, I threw a birthday party for our child with extra needs. I loved decorating the cake and hanging balloons with little Lego faces on them.

I loved seeing my son’s face light up when his few friends arrived because, honestly, being an extreme parent comes with a load of fears, and not making friends is near the top.

But, here I am, the day after hours of decorating, planning, cooking, cutting, scooping ice cream, twirling blindfolded kids for games, pinata pick up, gift wrapping, smiling. And, I. NEED. A. DAY.

And, here is what I’m learning:

My well-intentioned, sweet, husband wants to help me, but a lot of the time I struggle to let him.

I have a hard time handing over control and trusting he will do it right (aka MY way).

I can’t seem to be honest when I need help or when I need a break.

But, lean in sister, because here is where it gets good.

When I ask, am honest and humbled, just wave the white flag, and am willing to ask him to step in and give me some relief (without taking it back over), he is happy to help, excited for an opportunity to ease my load, and I am a much better person after resting.

Maybe, for you, it’s a girl’s night, a day at the spa, or a long run.

For me, it’s a good book, hot coffee (or wine), and silence. I’m talking, I can’t hear the word ‘mom’ for miles.

Whatever it is you need to recharge, please ask.

If you aren’t married, seek a grandparent, aunt, or trusted friend. It may feel foreign at first–it did for me. But, I was better for it, and so were my husband and kids.

So today, I need a day, and I’m going to take one. Not just ten minutes for coffee or 30 seconds for a power shower. I’ll be MIA until I can breathe again.

For you, it may not be today. But reach out, get help, plan it, and put it on the calendar–in pen so you can’t cancel.

And, refuse to allow yourself to feel guilty for having basic human needs. It doesn’t make me–or you–less of a wife, mother, friend, or Christian. It makes us honest and really stinking brave.”

Courtesy of Brynn

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Brynn of  The Mama On The Rocks.  Follow her on Instagram here. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more from Brynn here: 

‘Please, sit with us. Text us. Stop by and insist on taking our kids for the day because I promise we won’t ask for help. But mama, we need it.’: Mom says all a special needs parent needs is for you to ‘show up’

‘Eh, it’s been rough, honestly.’ Our struggles are different. And we will likely never ask for help.’: Mom of special needs child explains what her ‘hard week’ looks like

‘Well, he LOOKS normal.’ By lunchtime our kiddo has scratched, punched doors, hurt his sibling, thrown toys and spit on us.’ Mom explains tiring struggle raising her ‘extreme child’

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